Harry Potter and The Wizard of Oz
by Arishaa
Summary: Harry is sent an anonymous Christmas present; it's time to meet the real Golden Trio… perhaps the adults should run for cover? Warning: OoC, Spoilers to Christmas of OoTP, AU, Crossover.
1. Dedicated To The Young At Heart

_Disclaimer__: I do not own the concept and characters of Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz, either the books or the movies. __Warning__: Out-Of-Character-ness ahead! The kids are going to have a little more of an attitude in this; and everyone is finally going to find out about it… __A/N__: This is just a little fun thing that kept bothering me. Tarnished will be my main project and this one will be updated intermittently (whenever I get inspiration for it). Inspired by a crossover I read once but wasn't finished, though I assure you this will be quite different. Enjoy!_

_Summary__: Harry is sent an anonymous Christmas present; it's time to meet the real Golden Trio… perhaps the adults should run for cover?_

* * *

**Harry Potter and the Wizard of Oz**

**By Arishaa**

::-/\-::

Chapter One

Dedicated To The Young At Heart

::-/\-::

Harry Potter had been sent a Christmas present. Usually this would be a cause for celebration; but for Harry it caused him no end of problems, because the present hadn't been signed. Harry sighed and read the card that came with the gift once again:

_To Harry Potter_

_Merry Christmas_

_Have a good time!_

_A Secret Admirer_

Which was all very well, but considering he was number one on a psychotic, homicidal megalomaniac's _I-just-wish-he'd-drop-dead-already_ list, Harry had a problem. Harry made an annoyed face; he'd have to clear the present with the grown ups. _Joy_. Please note the sarcasm. Everyone had just breathed a sigh of relief that Arthur Weasley was finally healing, though they were all still a bit uptight about the connection between Harry and previously mentioned psychotic, homicidal megalomaniac – come to think of it, it was something that worried Harry as well – the atmosphere had been rather relaxed over the last few days, and Harry was loath to change that.

Still. Safety first, and all that rot. Sometimes he hated his life.

* * *

Hermione sighed. The argument had been raging on for almost half and hour, and she and Harry and Ron were all stuck in the kitchen for the duration.

It had started an hour before the argument had begun, when Harry had reluctantly showed the Christmas present he'd received from an unknown source. They had carefully unwrapped the gift, making sure not to touch whatever was inside, and discovered a book. It was rather small compared to most magical texts, leather bound, and had the words _The Wizard of Oz_ engraved into the front.

They'd both agreed with him that it was best to show the adults; they were more knowledgeable about certain things, after all; and both had advised for him to get it over and done with while they were still away from school.

Yeah, Hermione was kicking herself for that piece of advice right now.

So anyway, they'd made their way down to the kitchen of No. 12 Grimmauld Place – carefully carrying the book with the fire tongs from upstairs – to find Sirius Black and Remus Lupin in residence. After they had explained the problem, the former professor had insisted in calling the headmaster, and they had done so. Unfortunately, Albus Dumbledore had been in a meeting with Professors McGonagall and Snape; and had dragged them along for the ride.

Of course, any room holding the combustive mixture of Severus Snape and Sirius Black was, eventually, due to, well – explode. Hermione considered that perhaps she and her friends should be concerned over their place as 'children' with these two so-called adults in competition with them. After the two school rivals had started, McGonagall had started frowning severely (well, more severely than usual, at any rate) and Remus had tried to break up the fight only to add to it when Snape insulted him harshly and both McGonagall and Sirius had jumped to his defense. Dumbledore had tried to keep them on track, but hadn't yet succeeded.

Hermione looked helplessly at her two best friends. Perhaps they should intercede? The adults could certainly use a voice of reason. Neither of them seemed particularly motivated, however; and Hermione couldn't blame them, especially considering the last time they had intervened in such an argument they had been told, bluntly, and she considered, rather rudely, that they were children and couldn't possibly understand such things.

Hermione looked around at all the adults. She idly wondered if they'd notice if the three of them tried to break into the locked cabinet that contained the fire-whiskey…

* * *

Ron was becoming rather bored. At first, watching the five adults (three of them Professors, and two of them parental figures) argue back and forth had the same interest and excitement of a tennis match. _But then,_ Ron considered, _tennis also gets boring after a while_. He looked over at his two friends. Harry seemed to be dozing with his eyes open (something that every Hogwarts student learns to do in History of Magic sooner or later, even Hermione) and Hermione had her eyes on the other side of the kitchen, staring at something or other in intense concentration. Ron turned to look at what had snagged her interest. Oh. The liquor cabinet. Figures.

Ron sighed, and thought that he might as well join one of his friends in their individual pursuits. The question being: should he strain his brain over the acquisition of liquid gold – they could hawk the fire-whiskey for a mint to the Slytherins – _again_ (they had, on numerous occasions, attempted to gain access to the cabinet before); or should he rest his brain for later?

Before he could decide, however, Sirius gave a huge roar of rage (dammit! Should have been paying attention!), grabbed the book and attempted to murder Snape with it. This brought Harry out of his stupor and Hermione out of contemplating the liquor cabinet with duel cries of horror that echoed his own – _Sirius! No!_ – but they were lost as they all experienced a rather curious sensation – like being sucked up by a vacuum cleaner (very strange muggle invention, but rather ingenious, Ron thought) – and everything going dark…

* * *

_And so ends the first chapter. Hope you liked! - I have changed the titles of the first two chapters to be more in line with the latter ones._


	2. Somewhere Over The Rainbow

_Disclaimer__: I do not own the concept and characters of Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz, either the books or the movies. __Warning__: Out-Of-Character-ness ahead! __A/N__: Hope you liked the first chapter; here's the second! I seem to just roll this one out… Enjoy!_

_Summary__: Harry is sent an anonymous Christmas present; it's time to meet the real Golden Trio… perhaps the adults should run for cover?_

* * *

**Harry Potter and the Wizard of Oz**

**By Arishaa**

::-/\-::

Chapter Two:

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

::-/\-::

Albus looked around himself in confusion; this was certainly not the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place, and the transportation they'd just used to arrive in this rather lush area didn't feel at all like a portkey. He had no idea where he was or how he'd gotten there… or what had happened to the others he'd been with.

Suddenly… crash, crash, crash! Albus whirled around to see, coming from the bushes behind him, an enormous black shadow about half his height; he realized he no longer had his wand as it growled and then launched itself at him…

* * *

Severus Snape was a no-nonsense type of person, he didn't hold to any type of frivolity, and preferred the dark and dank to the bright, annoying, invasive sunshine he currently found himself standing in, thank-you-very-much! He scowled at the sky, thinking furiously that it just _had_ to be blue instead of cloudy, didn't it, and him stuck in his black, _winter_ robes. Where the hell had the snow gone, anyway?

Precisely where he was, how he got there, and why he was alone were subjects he was very happily _not_ thinking of right now; as his first instinct was to see to his survival, rather than someway of returning to where he'd come from; and so the perusal of his current environment was top on his list of things to do. Speaking of which, he could hear – moving through the bushes rather quietly, actually, but not quietly enough for him to miss – something which could either aid his survival or help end it. Severus didn't take chances, as he was not in any way, to be mistaken for a _Gryffindor_, and took care to hide himself behind a tree. It came closer… closer… closer…

* * *

Sirius Black was quite used to adapting to unexpected circumstances. When he was a child, he'd adapted to living with his Aunt Andromeda for three months while his mother recovered from Dragon's Pox, which had been an eye-opening experience for him. He'd adapted to returning to the gloom of his ancestral home and his dark-side family with his new personality. He'd adapted to being somewhat free at Hogwarts when he first arrived there, and had to adapt to being placed back in his little dark prison of a room when he returned from school during the holidays. He adapted when his parents threw him out at fifteen, and he adapted when war came upon them. He adapted to Azkaban when he was there – he'd have gone insane if he hadn't – and he adapted to life on the run.

So to find himself suddenly in new surroundings, without friends, childhood nemeses, or mentors present wasn't something that Sirius found hard to adapt to. He was surprised to find himself in his animagus form, as the last thing he remembered, he was standing on _two_ legs in his family's kitchen; but that was the easiest thing to adapt to because he was used to it. Of course, he was also used to being able to turn _back_ to his human form whenever he wanted, and to find he'd suddenly lost the ability was a little worrying, but again, he'd find someway to adapt.

The only thing Sirius really didn't want to adapt to was the fact that his godson and his godson's two friends were also missing. He decided to remedy this last situation at once; he could figure everything else out later. So he put his nose into the air and took a great sniff. Being exceptionally talented in the area of tracking while in canine form, Sirius soon found a familiar scent and he set off through the trees to follow it…

* * *

There were times that Remus Lupin hated being a werewolf. He hated it most of the time, actually. He hated that he couldn't control the beast inside him, he hated that he was considered less than human because of it, he hated that it made him as sick as it did and he hated that it cost him so much – like being an 'unfit guardian' for little Harry, when Harry's parents – and his pack – had died.

The were precious few things that Remus liked about being a werewolf, and he treasured them all; because there were only so many things that he could use to make his reality a little brighter. One was the tendency for the wolf to create a pack, or a family; it was something he treasured after his own flesh-and-blood family had deserted him so cruelly. He enjoyed the higher-than-average strength and the superb senses that came to him in human form, too. And he loved the fact that the wolf claimed Harry – and by association, his two friends – as his cubs.

But right now, those cubs were missing. Remus frowned, and within him Moony growled, and together they came to the conclusion that the missing children must be their first priority; above where they were, and how they got there, and where the others were, the little ones, the cubs, must be protected at all costs.

Remus stretched out with his senses and found a familiar scent to follow. It was not his cubs, but it may be of service in locating them. It was all he could do for now.

* * *

Albus had had a moment to panic, before he'd crashed to the ground under the enormous creature that had attacked him. He looked up to see a muzzle full of teeth that was coming closer… and with a rather happy yip, Padfoot proceeded to slobber all over him.

_Well, that's one companion found,_ Albus thought with relief; _just six more to go_.

"Sirius, I'd much appreciate being able to breathe again," he commented mildly, but it procured the immediate reaction he'd been hoping for: Sirius got off him.

"I take it I've been the only one you've found so far?" Albus questioned the dog, though he didn't wait for any kind of response, and continued, "do you have any idea where the others are?"

Albus watched as the huge dog put his nose in the air, barked commandingly at him, and trotted off.

_Well, into the breach_, Albus thought with determination; and he set off after the animal.

* * *

Severus had waited until the whatever-it-was stopped moving about, not far from him. He cursed under his breath; obviously something with some sort of tracking ability – his thoughts were interrupted by a voice. A rather annoyingly familiar voice.

"Severus, I know you're here. It's me," Remus Lupin's voice came. _Oh well_, he thought as he stepped from concealment (under no circumstances would it be called a hiding place, even if he was a Slytherin), _at least it wasn't Black_…

* * *

Remus watched as Severus Snape stepped out from behind the tree he'd been hiding behind. He raised an eyebrow at the man, who sneered in return.

"Did you think I'd just stand about waiting to be eaten by something?" the sour man demanded.

"Of course not, Severus," Remus replied in amusement.

The man's lips tightened in annoyance. "Well? Have you found anyone else yet, or am I stuck with only you for company?"

"You are the only one I've found so far, but I think we're about to have some welcomed company," Remus replied mildly, looking in the direction he sensed the headmaster and Padfoot coming from.

A few moments later, the two individuals emerged from the dense foliage. The headmaster beamed at them. "My boys! It makes my old heart so glad to see you! Have either of you seen any of the others yet?"

"No, headmaster, it's just been you and the mutt," Severus commented, nastily referring to Sirius.

Remus overrode any retort that might come from that by demanding of the old man, "where are we? What happened? And where are the kids?"

"I can only surmise that the book was some sort of transportation devise set up to send anyone in a certain radius from the book to wherever we are; which I'm afraid, I don't know. As for the children," the headmaster paused in obvious worry, "we can only hope they are with Minerva, and that they are all four of them, safe."

Remus sighed in annoyance, and said, "I can hear movement coming from over there. Probably a village of some kind; and for heavens sake Sirius, transform back, will you?"

With that, he started to march off in the direction he had indicated.

* * *

Sirius had been quite happy to find both the headmaster and Moony; though he wished he could have continued to have misplaced Snape, and when Remus made his request, he once again attempted to reverse his transformation. Again, he couldn't.

* * *

Albus had followed after Remus when he started moving, Severus reluctantly following them. They had just come upon what looked like a small farmhouse (though it didn't seem to have been built there; odd, the thought) when from the rear of the group came a distressed, distinctly canine whine.

Remus was obviously still frustrated, as he whirled and nearly shouted, "Sirius! Now is not the time for you to be playing around! Can't you tell this is seri – important?"

Albus allowed himself a small smile at the obvious correction, but lost the smile and looked back at the animagus in concern when nothing happened.

"Obviously being a mutt has interfered with what little faculties he had when he was born," Severus said snidely.

Albus was about to chastise him when Remus overrode him.

"Severus! Now is not the time for you either. We are in real trouble here and the two of you are just going to have to get along for a change. If you don't, I swear I'll hex you both silent for the duration!"

This brought to Albus' mind the rather concerning problem of his missing wand, and he was about to question the others on the subject when his question was totally blown from his mind. Remus had just finished shouting at Sirius to "change back this instant!" when Padfoot the dog answered him.

"I can't!"

All four men (well, three men and one dog) looked at each other in complete shock.

"Oh, give me a break. I can't transform back to human, but I can talk as a dog?" the voice was definitely Sirius' and definitely coming from the four-legged animal before them. "What is going on here?"

His question was answered by someone quite unexpected. "That's what I would like to know," came the annoyed voice of Minerva McGonagall. The men turned towards her and gaped; for though it sounded like her, she certainly wasn't _dressed_ like her. "Albus, what is the meaning of this?" she demanded impatiently.

Albus could only stare. He didn't think he'd ever been so surprised. "Minerva, for once, I have had nothing to do with it!" he adamantly denied.

Minerva McGonagall was dressed in a blue-and-white checkered gingham dress, with sensible black shoes, a basket over one arm, and her hair braided into pigtails. She was glaring quite impressively at Albus, and had an _if-I-_ever_-find-out-you-did-this-you-will-be-in-pain_ expression on her face.

Her eyes moved from boring holes into him, to looking severely at the other three gentlemen with him. "And just what are you three staring at?" she demanded.

Albus was quite happy that he was able to hide his shock a good deal better than the others; Remus' eyes were nearly popping out of his head, Padfoot's doggy mouth had almost hid the ground and Severus had an unprecedented look of astonishment on his face.

Sirius, being the one that had gotten into the most trouble with this woman, recovered first; laying on the charm as thickly as possible he replied, "why Minney, we're just admiring the view!"

This caused her to blush and narrow her eyes at the same time. "Don't think you can sweet-talk me, Mr. Black – and _don't call me Minney!_"

* * *

Minerva had woken to find herself on the floor of a rather well-appointed farmhouse, dressed in the most ridiculous outfit she'd ever seen.

_This had better not be something Albus cooked up, or I swear, I'll turn him off his lemon drops_, she thought furiously.

She was drawn outside by the raised voices of some very familiar people. _Good. Now maybe I'll get some answers_, she thought as she made her way quickly outside. She was just in time to see the remarkable sight of Sirius Black talking – _talking!_ – while still in animagus form, and the subsequent astonishment of all three males in front of her.

When Sirius had asked his question, she couldn't help but add her own agreement.

They had all turned towards her, and stopped in surprise. She had been so mad by then that she immediately turned to the headmaster and demanded answers. When he denied any knowledge, she couldn't help but be even more worried. If Albus truly didn't have anything to do with this, who did? Where were they, why had they been brought here, how had they been brought and why, _why_ was she dressed as a little girl?

The tension was broken by Sirius, of course; as he was inclined to do, and it was then that Albus asked a rather worrying question.

"I do not mean to alarm anyone, but do any of you have your wands?" Minerva started as she realized that _no_, she _didn't_ have her wand. It turned out she wasn't the only one; none of their wands were present.

Then Remus asked something that concerned her even more. "Minerva, have you seen the kids anywhere?"

"No. You are the only people I've seen," she answered.

"We need to find them," Albus said urgently; and she agreed. Yes, they had to find her little lions before they came across anything dangerous. Because if _they_ didn't have their wands, it was likely the children didn't have theirs, either; which made them even more vulnerable. They had to find them before it was too late…

* * *

_If you'd like an explanation for the first chapter's title, watch the remastered 'Wizard of Oz' and read the dedication. Very sweet._


	3. Follow The Yellow Brick Road…

_Disclaimer__: I do not own the concept and characters of Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz, either the books or the movies. __Warning__: Out-Of-Character-ness ahead! AU, Crossover._

_Summary__: Harry is sent an anonymous Christmas present; it's time to meet the real Golden Trio… perhaps the adults should run for cover?_

**Harry Potter and the Wizard of Oz**

**By Arishaa**

::--/\--::

Chapter Three:

Follow The Yellow Brick Road…

::--/\--::

The three men, one witch, and one dog made their way into a little village; and although both Remus and Padfoot insisted it was populated, it seemed to be deserted.

It was rather colourful, with lush plants and beautiful flowers and a serene river running through the center of it. The houses and other buildings were miniaturized, as though they belonged to dwarfs or goblins; but the surroundings were far too colourful and happy for either of those races.

Sirius had been sniffing at a rather suspicious flower (although he didn't mention this fact, because _Snivellus_ was there, and Sirius knew exactly what kind of biting comment the man would deliver if he was to call a flower suspicious), when he noticed the strangest sight.

He blinked, and briefly wondered if stress was causing him to hallucinate, before calling everyone's attention to the bizarre phenomenon.

In the air, coming towards them, was a bright pink… bubble. They all stared at it in astonishment and confusion; until it settled on the ground and seemed to morph into a woman wearing an old-fashioned, floaty dress in the same shade as the bubble. Her face was kind and pleasant, she wore some sort of crown on her head, carried what looked like a muggle version of a fairy wand and her hair was a bright red eruption of curls. Now the Order members were staring in absolute disbelief. Who in their right mind would subject themselves to that kind of humiliation?

The witch (for that was what she appeared to be, despite the utter strangeness of her choice in wardrobe) looked over them closely; then her gaze seemed to fixate on Minerva.

"Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?" her voice was the same as her dress – airy.

"I beg your pardon?" Minerva said in affront.

"I didn't mean to offend. Perhaps that is the Witch?" And she pointed her staff at Sirius.

Snape snickered, and Sirius snarled, "What did you call me? I am not a _girl_!"

From all around them, in the bushes, came a round of giggles. They looked at each other, startled, and Sirius eyed the suspicious flower again.

The woman herself looked a little confused, and chagrined to cause such a reaction. She smiled gently at them. "Well, I'm a little muddled. The Munchkins called me because a new Witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East," she pointed to the farmhouse Minerva had arrived in. "There's the house, and here you are," she indicated Minerva, "and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East." The visitors noticed a pair of legs sticking out from under a wall of the farmhouse, and all of them shared a wince. The strange Witch continued, "and so, what the Munchkins want to know is, are you a good witch or a bad witch?" she ended her explanation looking at them expectantly.

"We're… all good," Minerva answered uncertainly.

"But we're _not_ all witches," Sirius said mutinously.

"Yes Sirius, thank-you. I'm sure she remembers," Albus spoke in a repressing voice. Then he turned to the lady. "Perhaps introductions are in order. My name is Albus, and my companions are Severus, Remus, Sirius and Minerva," he spoke politely.

"I am Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. And you are now in the great land of Oz," Glinda introduced herself and her home. "The Munchkins are happy because you have freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East."

"Munchkins?" Severus asked.

There was another round of giggles, and Sirius turned his nose and eyes onto the plants around them, and began watching them intently.

"The little people who live in this land; it's Munchkin-land, and you are now their national heroine, my dear," she addressed Minerva. Glinda explained that the Wicked Witch of the East (she didn't seem to have a name, just a direction) had oppressed the munchkins for years, and they were now free of her tyranny. Then she turned and spoke in the general direction of the plant-life surrounding them. "It's all right; you can all come out and thank her!"

Appearing from all around them, camouflaged by their bright clothes, came the funniest-looking little people any of the magical folk had ever seen. Sirius growled in satisfaction and exclaimed quietly, "I knew those flowers looked suspicious!" Albus seemed to be the only one who heard him, thankfully, and all he did was to raise an amused eyebrow.

The Munchkins were certainly very odd. They only came up to about waist-height, had bright little faces, and wore clothes that were just as colourful as their surroundings with floral attachments that seemed to be growing right out of shoes, cloaks and hats.

Glinda walked over to a platform that seemed to serve the purpose of public announcements; then she raised her voice to speak to the whole Munchkin people. "Let the joyous news be spread! The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead!" The announcement was met with loud, enthusiastic, joyous cheers.

And then, the strangest thing started to happen.

Albus thought that today was certainly giving his surprise limit a work-out.

Remus thought his jaw might become permanently unhinged if things like this kept happening to them.

Sirius looked thoroughly delighted (of course), and a large doggy grin was all over his canine face.

Severus looked horrified, and wondered if it would damage his reputation to run screaming from the scene.

Minerva's eye developed a twitch.

Why were the Munchkins (and what an absolutely ridiculous name!), for the love of Merlin, _singing_?

A very pertinent question, for singing they were!

_Ding-Dong! The Witch is dead;_

_Which old witch? The Wicked Witch!_

_Ding-Dong the Wicked Witch is dead!_

_Wake up you sleepy head, _

_Rub your eyes, get out of bed!_

_Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead!_

_She's gone where the goblins go; _

_Below, below, below_

_Yo-ho! Let's open up and sing, _

_And ring the bells out_

_Ding-Dong! The merry-o, _

_Sing it high, sing it low_

_Let them know The Wicked Witch is dead!_

They sang their way though an official coroners report, the mayors announcement of freedom, spreading the news throughout the village and announcing that their faces would be permanently immortalized as busts in the Munchkins People's Hall of Fame. _Joy_.

If she had been the kind of person that favoured that kind of thing, Minerva thought she very well might have fainted from the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

Severus wondered if it would be bad manners to lose his lunch at the thought.

Sirius thought it was very impressive.

Remus wondered idly if the Munchkins had some sort of magic; because the music they'd sung to seemed to come from the air itself, he'd seen no musicians; and it was all rather well done for a spur-of-the-moment song. Maybe they'd practiced it for the day the Witch died? He was suddenly besieged by thoughts of little Munchkin rebellion groups meeting in secret to practice singing a song… he came to the rather sudden conclusion he'd been spending too much time with Sirius.

Albus was wondering if he could – _borrow_ – the impressive lolly-pop Minerva had been gifted with, and if she'd notice.

Finally, the song seemed to wind down; and the five visitors couldn't have been happier – even Sirius' limit seemed to have been met – when an explosion of red smoke came out of nowhere.

The Munchkins screamed and scattered, Glinda gasped, the wizards and witch reached for non-existent wands and the dog's hackles raised and teeth bared. Then the red smoke cleared.

_Who the hell is that?_

She was dressed completely in black in impressive robes that closely resembled what Severus normally wore, a pointed witches hat, and carried a broom. She had green skin and cruel black eyes and a very impressive nose. If he hadn't been so worried about the fact that she was supposed to be dead, Sirius would have made a smart comment about a long-lost relative of Severus'. Instead, he turned to Glinda. "Didn't you say the Witch was dead?" he asked urgently.

"That was her sister, the Wicked Witch of the East. This is the Wicked Witch of the West. She's worse that the other one was," Glinda explained to them.

Then the Witch turned towards them, and while she didn't seem as fearful as Voldemort, she had the same rage and cruelty radiating from her. When she spoke it was in a voice that grated on them like fingernails on a chalk board.

"Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East?" she demanded. "Was it you?" she said, glaring at Minerva, who was not cowed in any way and glared right back at her.

"It most certainly was not!" she replied indignantly. "As far as I understand the situation, it was an accident," Minerva spoke firmly.

The witch's eyes narrowed and she spoke threateningly. "Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents too!" and she raised her arms to strike. But Glinda drew her attention.

"Aren't you forgetting the ruby slippers?" she asked quickly.

The Witch stopped and her face morphed into an expression of realization and greed. "The slippers... Yes! The slippers!" she spoke softly, almost to herself, and walked to where her sister's body (what could be seen of it, anyway) lay. Just as she reached her goal, however, they vanished in front of her. "They're gone! The ruby slippers!" she turned back to where they were all standing. "What have you done with them?" she demanded, striding towards them threateningly. "Give them back to me or I'll – "

Glinda interrupted her, "It's too late! There they are, and there they'll stay!" she used her staff to point towards Minerva's feet. The visitors looked where she was pointing and were again surprised.

Minerva's sensible black shoes had been replaced by the sparkling, red shoes that the old Witch of the East had been wearing when she died.

The Witch was looking intently at Minerva. "Give me back my slippers! I'm the only one that knows how to use them. They're of no use to you," she looked very reasonable in the _I'm-obsessed-and-slightly-mad_ kind of way. "Give them back to me. Give them back!"

Glinda leaned towards Minerva and advised, "keep tight inside of them. Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly."

Minerva nodded, and the Witch of the West snarled at the Witch of the North, "You stay out of this, Glinda, or I'll fix you as well!"

But Glinda only laughed at the threat. "Oh, rubbish! You have no power here. Be gone, before somebody drops a house on you too!" she was very confident, and the Wicked Witch drew back and looked at the sky in alarm. Then she looked back at the group assembled before her.

"Very well. I'll bide my time. And as for you my fine lady," she pointed straight at Minerva, who's eyes narrowed and posture straightened, "it's true I can't attend to you here and now as I'd like. But just try to stay out of my way! Just try!"

Sirius growled at her, drawing back his lips to show his teeth and hackles raising in threat. The Witch spared him a look, then continued, "I'll get you, my pretty… and you're little dog, too!" then she cackled (an honest to goodness cackle!) and disappeared in a mass of red smoke and a huge fireball.

"Goodness, what a performance!" Minerva sighed.

"Who's she calling 'little'?" Sirius growled.

Glinda was assuring the Munchkins that it was now safe to come out of hiding. Then she looked happily at the group, and commented, "What a smell of sulfur!" Her attention then shifted to Minerva. "I'm afraid you've made rather a bad enemy of the Wicked Witch of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz altogether, the safer you'll sleep, my dear."

"We'd be very happy to leave, Lady Glinda," Albus said to her, "but I'm afraid we do not know how it is we arrived; we have also misplaced three very important people. Could you aid us in any way?"

Glinda thought for a moment. Then she answered, "I'm afraid I don't know very much about the world outside of Oz. The only person who might know would be the great and wonderful Wizard of Oz himself," she said grandly, and around them, the Munchkins bowed low in reverence.

"The Wizard of Oz?" Remus inquired. "Who is that? And is he good or is he wicked?" the two definitions seemed to be how they distinguished magical people here.

"Oh, very good; but very mysterious," Glinda replied. "He lives in the Emerald City, and that's a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomsticks with you?"

The five of them looked at each other in consternation. Then Remus replied, "No, I'm afraid we didn't."

"Well then, you'll have to walk," Glinda said. "The Munchkins will see you safely to the border of Munchkin-land," she told them, then spoke again to Minerva. "And remember, never let those ruby slippers off your feet for a moment, or you will be at the mercy of the Wicked Witch of the West." Then she kissed Minerva on the forehead, leaving behind a trace of magic.

Severus thought some practicality was in order, especially after very impractical morning he'd had so far. "How do we get to Emerald City?"

Glinda smiled, "It's always best to start at the beginning. And all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road." She motioned to the brick patterns under their feet.

The five of them found the beginning of the Yellow Brick Road, then turned back to Glinda. "Thank-you for all your help, Lady," Albus spoke formally. She smiled back at them.

"Good luck, to all of you," she said as she faded into a bubble again and floated away.

"Well, as the lady said, we start at the beginning," Albus said cheerfully. It was always best, he'd found, to start a new endeavor with as positive an attitude as one could possible contrive.

Around them, the Munchkins once again burst into song and dance, as they followed the Yellow Brick Road out of Munchkin-land…

_Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow the Yellow Brick Road!_

_Follow, follow, follow, follow; Follow the Yellow Brick Road!_

_Follow the Yellow Brick, follow the Yellow Brick,_

_Follow the Yellow Brick Road!_

_You're off the see the Wizard;_

_The wonderful Wizard of Oz_

_You'll find he is a whiz of a wiz, _

_If ever a wiz there was_

_If ever, oh ever a wiz there was, _

_The Wizard of Oz is one because_

_Because, because, because_

_Because, because_

_Because of the wonderful things he does!_

_You're off to see the Wizard;_

_The wonderful Wizard of Oz!_

::--/\--::

_A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Most of the Witch's and Glinda's dialogue was straight from the movie (which I don't own, and all props go to the wonderful script writers of the Wizard of Oz movie!), adjusted to our new characters. The reasons for this will be explained later. The next chapter will be very different from the movie, however, as you'll soon see!_


	4. Lions & Tigers & Bears  Oh My!

_Disclaimer__: I do not own the concept and characters of Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz, either the books or the movies. __Warning__: Out-Of-Character-ness ahead! AU, Crossover._

_Summary__: Harry is sent an anonymous Christmas present; it's time to meet the real Golden Trio… perhaps the adults should run for cover?_

**Harry Potter and the Wizard of Oz**

**By Arishaa**

::--/\--::

Chapter Four:

Lions and Tigers and Bears… Oh My!

::--/\--::

**Part One: The Brainless Scarecrow**

The five companions had been walking quite a while when they came to a t-junction in the road. The yellow brick extended into both directions. They looked at the road, puzzled, and then looked at each other to see if anyone had any ideas.

"But… well, now which way do we go?" Minerva said, rather exasperated with the whole exercise.

"You go left, Professor," a firm voice answered her.

"Miss Granger?" Minerva asked at the same time as Remus said, "Hermione, is that you?"

"Well, of course it's me!" Hermione Granger's voice was rather irate; and they couldn't pin-point where exactly it was coming from.

"Where are you?" Albus finally spoke up.

"I'm stuck in the middle of a cornfield, where do you think?" Yes, definitely irate now.

"Do you know what's going on?" Severus asked her, considering her reputation as a logical thinker, he thought she might have some new idea they hadn't covered yet.

"I have a theory, which I'll be more than happy to share, once you GET ME OFF THIS RUDDY POLE!" she shrieked at them, and they finally located where her voice was coming from.

Hermione was right. She _was_ stuck in the middle of a cornfield. The five adults looked in amazement at the girl who was suspended at least three feet in the air by a pole that apparently went right up her back. Her clothes seemed to be made of patchwork cloth sewn into a green tunic that reached her knees, and tan pants that were tucked into brown shoes also made out of cloth. She also wore a pointed hat and white gloves, she had straw sticking out from under her clothes (which had to be quite uncomfortable) and strange markings on her face, which seemed to be rather like a very good painted imitation of her own, and was currently set in a rather fierce scowl.

"Well, are you just going to stand there all day looking at me?" she demanded.

Albus moved to her immediately, and asked, "Do you know how we can get you down, child?"

"Just turn down the nail in the back," she answered, still rather snippily.

"Miss Granger, I don't think that tone is really appropriate," Minerva scolded the girl, expecting her to become repentant. It had the opposite effect, however.

"First of all, Professor, I have been attached to this pole for the last _six hours_; secondly, it happens to be the fault of that immature grim wannabe and my rather juvenile potions professor; and thirdly, I don't think now is the time to be correcting me on my manners!" she replied rather tartly.

"Respecting your elders is always important, Miss Granger," Minerva replied firmly, rather shocked at her answer, as Albus finally managed to turn the nail in the pole so Hermione would slip off. She did so, landing rather hard on the ground, which apparently didn't soften her mood any.

"I'm made of straw, Professor; you don't think this is important?" she demanded.

"Straw?" Albus questioned, stunned.

"_What_ did you say?" Minerva asked.

"Pick me up, Headmaster," Hermione addressed Albus.

"I don't think that's at all wise," Severus hurried to object.

Hermione just looked at them pityingly. "Don't worry, you won't have a problem," she answered, obviously hating the fact. "Just grip my collar and lift."

Albus did as she asked. It surprised them all when she came straight up off the ground with very little apparent effort on the aged man's part.

"Hermione, what happened to you?" Sirius asked in horror.

Hermione looked at the dog. "Well, that's different," she mused, a little surprised.

Severus sneered. "I believe you were asked a question, girl!"

"Severus!" Remus defended Hermione.

But to both their shock, Hermione sneered right back at him. "I'm a bloody scarecrow, alright? Is that ok with you?"

They were all stunned silent; this Hermione was rather scary. Perhaps being turned into straw affected the brain?

"Come on, we have to find Harry and Ron," she said shortly. The adults were still in shock; Hermione had never behaved so testily in their presence before, usually being such a polite girl.

"Do you know where they are?" Albus asked urgently.

"I have my suspicions," she snarled, and stormed off down the left path ahead of them. Remus set off after her straight away, having just found one of his cubs, not wanting to lose her again, and suspecting she had a pretty shrewd idea of where the other two were; he didn't hesitate. The other adults looked at each other uncertainly; rather worried that the situation the girl was in had affected her personality.

"Well, we may as well follow her," Albus said uncertainly, "she seems to know where she's going, and once we find the boys, we can find a way out of here. Hopefully that will reverse the transformation she is under."

And so, once again, they set off.

* * *

**Part Two: The Heartless Tin Man**

Hermione had continued to lead the way, muttering to herself periodically and attempting to walk away her bad mood. She was _so_ not impressed!

Eventually, the adults following her got up the nerve to walk with her rather than trailing along behind looking like a bunch of lost sheep being led to the slaughter. The headmaster finally addressed her. "Miss Granger… Hermione; I appreciate that being turned into straw is a rather distressing thing to happen to you, but you don't need to worry. We will find out what's going on and turn you back," he finished reassuringly.

Hermione snorted. "If you think I'm holding my breath, you've got another think coming. You don't even know what's going on! Do you even know where we are?"

McGonagall frowned at her, obviously still rather miffed about her tone. _Well, she's gonna have to live with it, as long as I'm made of straw!_ Hermione thought viciously, rather deservingly, she believed, as Harry, Ron and herself had known _not_ to touch the book that stranded them here.

Snape frowned at her, and answered, "Yes, of course we know where we are. We found that out right away, from a floating air-head," he finished sarcastically.

The headmaster turned to him and chastised him. "Now, Severus, we ought not to take out our predicament on those around us!" He sent a sly, pointed look to Hermione at the same time. _As if that's going to placate me!_ She thought in annoyance. Albus then proceeded to look around and saw that they were passing through what seemed to be an orchid of apple trees.

He smiled at them all. "Why don't we stop to rest? We've eaten nothing since we arrived here, I'm sure we're all very hungry!" He obviously thought appealing to Hermione in such a way would soften her irritation. It had the opposite effect.

_Is he rubbing in the fact I don't need to eat?_ She snarled at them and said, "Go ahead. Rest, eat, by all means. It's not like you've all lost your need for sustenance. I'm going over there to look for something!"

And she whirled on her foot, almost fell, regained her balance and stalked (as well as one made of straw could stalk) into the woods to find Harry – considering she was the scarecrow, she was pretty sure Harry would be found next – happily leaving the adults to the mercy (or lack there of) of the sentient apple trees.

* * *

Harry had been unable to move for at least eight hours. It had been quite alarming, waking up in a strange place, and being frozen in place ever since. As someone who was always stumbling into dangerous situations, Harry knew the ability to move was one that was a highly prized and underestimated survival trait; and it was one he didn't relish losing.

Then Harry heard something that gave him mixed feelings. "Harry? Are you there?" It was Hermione! Harry felt relief; if anyone could get him out of this situation, it was her. He also felt fear that his friends were possibly in danger – they had, after all, been standing right next to him when this had happened – still, he had to try to guide her to him. He couldn't move, so he tried speaking. Not much came out, but he'd been working his jaw as much as possible, and it was enough.

"Harry! It is you! I thought it might be. Don't worry, the oil can is right here, I'll get you moving in a just a moment!" she said. _Oil can? What was she going on about?_ And then she moved into his line of sight. If his jaw hadn't been frozen, it probably would have hit the ground, because Hermione looked like – _No_, he suddenly knew – _she _is_ a scarecrow_. Harry's mind – very good at putting the pieces of a puzzle together – suddenly connected all the facts: Hermione, the oilcan, the _book_… Harry only had one thought in his mind right now. "You have got to be kidding me!" Oh. Hermione had oiled his jaw. _Good Godric! My jaw needed oiling… so does the rest of me… Well. This explains the strange feeling I had in my body… I'm gonna kill something, I swear; where is my ax? I get an ax with gig right?_

"I don't think this is a joke," Hermione obviously had no clue his thoughts had already moved onto homicide, "The book brought across everyone who was in the kitchen. Ron is still missing, I figure he's probably the Lion, the adults are clueless, Padfoot is stuck playing Toto, McGonagall is having a mid-life crises in gingham and pigtails, and I have a serious hate/hate relationship with matches right now!"

Harry supposed it was fortunate he was still frozen at the moment, or he would have marched himself over to Sirius and Snape and given them a piece of his mind – complete with ax to drive the point home. "Hermione," Harry said tightly, trying to reign in his temper, "next time we have a problem, remind me to handle it _ourselves_."

"I entirely agree with you. Here, let's try moving your arms," she answered.

With Hermione's help, Harry was soon mobile. Not a moment too soon, as from the road came Remus' voice calling for Hermione. The two walked towards him. As they stepped out onto the road they were spotted by Sirius. "There you are… Harry! Is that you?" The two young people (they refused to refer to themselves as children, considering their current circumstances) stared at the adults. They were a mess. The adults stared back, dumb-founded. "What? Don't expect me to sing!" Harry snarled defensively. "And I don't dance, either!"

* * *

Albus watched in distress as Hermione marched off. He hadn't meant to upset her so much! It seemed he'd been doing everything wrong today, from allowing Minerva and Severus to accompany him to Grimmuld Place to resolve what had seemed to be a rather harmless situation, to not being able to comfort the children in his care. Was Fudge and the _Daily Profit_ right? Was he losing his edge, his ability to protect those he cared about? Was he truly the right person to run this war? Albus hadn't had such a serious moment of self-doubt in many years; the last time had been when he had left a vulnerable young child to the mercy of his muggle relatives… _yes, Albus, and looked how well _that_ turned out_, he berated himself again for the situation he had left Harry to grow up in. Albus' rather maudlin thoughts were interrupted by a cry of pain, followed by an alarmed "Albus!"; he snapped to attention and scanned quickly for the danger. His eyes widened when he realized what was going on, and he rushed to the rescue of his friends.

* * *

Sirius was torn between following Hermione and staying with Remus. He was quite hungry, and though apples weren't really on his doggy-menu as a favourite, quite frankly he was too hungry to care. The unconscious whine his canine throat was producing was interrupted when he noticed what was happening to Remus. Obviously his friend was distracted tracking Hermione, because he didn't notice that the tree was frustrating his efforts to get something to eat. Sirius quickly slumped down onto his belly to enjoy the show.

* * *

Even though Hermione was out of sight, she was not out of range of all of Remus' senses; he could still hear her quite clearly. His attention split between keeping an ear on his cub and picking some apples (because even though Hermione didn't need to eat right now, they _would_ find Harry and Ron soon, and they would be hungry, he was sure), it took him a moment to realize that the apple tree he was trying to harvest kept ducking out of his way. When Minerva and Severus cried out, he whirled towards them, only to be jumped by something from behind. It turned out to be the tree.

* * *

Minerva was exhausted. It had been a long day for her _before_ she had floo-ed with the headmaster to Grimmuld Place. Everything that had happened since reminded her that she wasn't as young as she used to be. How did Albus cope? She'd been feeling emotionally off-balance since she woke up in Gingham and pigtails, the constant stress and worry added to Hermione's new attitude (well-deserved, she thought, but no-one could ever get her to admit it) had her almost in tears as she turned away to look at the apple trees. The worst part of it was, she thought, that she was unable to help one of her Lion's; and two were still missing. Anything could be happening to them! Minerva had always been a rather harsh disciplinarian and a strict teacher; she was the first to admit she wasn't the mothering type. But heaven help those who harmed one of her charges! To be unable to protect them now, especially from the unknown, was weighing heavily on her. Minerva reached up into the branches of an apple tree and plucked one from a branch. It was testament, perhaps, to how distracted by her thoughts she was, that when the tree reacted by slapping her hand and demanding, "What do you think you're doing?" she actually started to answer.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I – wait. What? What did you say?"

* * *

Severus was at his wits end. This day had gotten progressively worse since he poked his head out of bed that morning. It was a classic example of a he-should-have-stayed-in-bed day. He was stuck with the wolf and the mutt; he had been dragged over hill and down dale; he had reached and passed the I've-now-had-_enough_-of-Albus-o-meter several hours ago and to send the whole day to hell in a hand basket he'd been out-snarked and out-sneered by a teenage girl – a _Gryffindor_ no less! Severus was, officially, in hell. The only good part about today was the fact that they had lost Potter; but with his luck he'd probably be found soon and there goes _that_ silver lining out the window.

As if all this wasn't enough, he was now suffering the indignity of being attacked by a tree. A tree! Of all the ridiculous things! Severus would never admit to the fact that he was currently losing.

It had started in the strangest way. He and Minerva had walked over to one of the apple trees together – Severus had sensed that Minerva was getting the end of her tether (though he'd deny caring about the fact with his dying breath), so he walked with her – and Minerva had picked one when the tree hit her and then spoke. What kind of tree spoke? What was _with_ this place? Minerva had automatically answered, and Severus backed her up.

"We were hungry," he said, as though the tree was crazy, which – what else would apples be for, anyway?

"They were hungry!" The tree mocked.

"They were hungry!" Another tree off to the side echoed, sounding like a juvenile child.

"How would you like to have someone come along and pick something off of you?" The original tree demanded of them.

Minerva and Severus looked at each other; the female professor willing to admit to being completely out of her depth. Severus, however, knew exactly how to deal with this upstart of a tree.

"Come along, Minerva. I'm sure we don't want any apples from _this_ tree," he sneered.

"Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be?" the tree was outraged.

Severus smirked viciously, and stated "I'm sure they're infested with all kinds of pests and disease!"

"Why you – !" the tree yelled, and attacked.

* * *

Sirius had gone from being amused by the dexterity of the trees to being alarmed when they attacked his friends – and Snape – to being quite angry when it was obvious that even being stuck in one place the trees had a clear advantage. He jumped into the fray, taking hold of Remus by the back of his cloak with his powerful jaws and _pulling_. With both their strength aimed to dragging Remus free, it didn't take long for the tree to lose its grip on his best friend. Albus was having problems freeing Minerva and Severus, and Sirius got an idea.

"Remus! Distract them!" he shouted at his friend.

"What? How?" Remus panted, quite exhausted from his fight.

"You're a marauder, start acting like one!" and he was off again, taking hold of Severus this time, using the distraction Remus was making to pull another of his companions free of the homicidal trees.

* * *

When Minerva had called his name, Albus had turned to find two of the apple trees had apprehended three of his companions. Minerva and Severus were being attacked by the branches of one, the younger professor protecting his colleague as well as he could under the circumstances; and Remus had been wrapped up by the supple branches of a younger looking tree. Sirius was looking between them obviously torn who to help, before he jumped to the rescue of his childhood friend.

Albus headed straight to his two professors, determination marking his stride, eyes blazing. The gentle grandfather persona was gone; there was a threat to those he cared about, and that threat was going to meet the most talented wizard to live since Merlin himself; the one who defeated Grindawald, the only one Voldemort ever feared. Magic or no, Albus was still a force to be reckoned with. Although he had trouble getting through the branches to his friends, he was soon by Minerva's side, glancing at Severus to see him being rescued by Sirius, seeing that the tree was distracted by whatever Remus was shouting at it and then they were out, a little worse for the wear, but out – and being pelted by apples.

Sirius doggy-grinned up at them. "At least now we have apples!" he said cheerfully, and Albus had to agree.

* * *

Remus had been left by Sirius in the middle of the Yellow Brick Road. "Distract them, Remus, he says. Think of something, Remus, he says. Gee, thanks, Sirius. No pressure there," he muttered to himself, trying to think of something. "Hey! You with the root rot, over here!" he shouted. The tree swung its attention from those struggling in its branches to Remus, out of reach. Remus started to pull faces at the annoyed tree, insulting everything about it from its leaves to its roots. The incensed tree started throwing its own apples at him as his friends managed to fight their way free.

Once they had gathered enough apples to last them awhile, they moved down the road out of range of the possessed trees, much to everyone's relief. A relief that was short-lived for Remus, who realized that in all the confusion, he'd lost track of Hermione. Panic blossomed in his chest and he started calling Hermione's name, desperate to hear where she was.

"Hermione! Hermione where are you?"

His companions started, realizing that while she hadn't been gone long, they had managed to get attacked by something in that time, and Hermione was alone. They all started to branch out along the road, calling into the forest around it.

It wasn't long, thankfully (Remus was sure he'd develop an ulcer before this day was over) before he heard her moving toward him, the unmistakable sound of her new straw body rustling towards them.

"I hear her, she's coming," Remus muttered in relief, Sirius moving to his side. He soon realized she wasn't alone; someone was with her. Distracted trying to make sense of the sounds he was hearing, he missed seeing Hermione and her companion step out of the woods and onto the road. Sirius, by his side, didn't.

"There you are…" the dog animagus then noticed she wasn't alone. It took him a moment to recognize who was with her. "Harry! Is that you?" His words drew the attention and the presence of the other adults. The two children stared at them, looking quite bemused. The adults stared back, equally stunned and horrified at the metamorphosis Harry had been subjected to.

"What?" Harry said defensively. "Don't expect me to sing!" Remus blinked at the comment, confused. "And I don't dance, either!" Harry ended decisively.

He must have been referring to that delightful song they'd been serenaded by the Munchkins with, Albus thought; but how had he known? It confirmed the thought that the children knew far more of what was going on than any of the adults did.

"What happened?" Remus demanded, quite at the end of his very long rope.

"Well, gee," Harry started, in a sugar-sweet tone of voice, "I guess it all started when we trusted people older and supposedly wiser than we are and they acted like – " her his tone started to sour " – a bunch of school kids who aren't fighting a war together against some insane homicidal maniac who'd gladly see them all dead – " pointed look at Sirius and Severus " – and they foolishly touched a suspicious magical object, landing us _here_. So now I'm a Tin Man who's been frozen solid by rust for the last _eight hours_; I don't sing, I don't dance, and don't annoy me because I have an _ax_!" Harry finished his irate statement quite clearly, reiterating his points about singing and dancing just in case someone had missed them the first time.

Any further discussion was completely circumvented by Minerva McGonagall, dragoness of Gryffindor, strictest teacher in Hogwarts, deity of detention and bane of pranksters everywhere, bursting into tears.

"Minerva, are you alright?" Albus asked her gently.

"Yes, yes. I'm just being silly. So much has _happened_. I feel like we've come so far…"

A familiar cackle pierced the air, pulling their attention to the top of the woodman's hut on the side of the road.

"The Wicked Witch? You brassed off the Wicked Witch of the West? You couldn't have mentioned this before?" Harry demanded.

"You call that long? Why you've just begun!" the green-skinned woman mocked.

"My good woman…" Albus started indignantly.

"Good? Were have you been today?" Sirius asked in amazement and, slight concern for Albus' mental faculties.

"Helping the little lady along, are you, my fine gentlemen?" the witch sneered at Harry and Hermione. It wasn't up to Snape-par, of course, but as sneers went, it was pretty good.

"Hey!" Hermione said in offense when she realized what the witch had called her.

"What is it with the people here and defining gender?" Sirius wondered.

"Well, stay away from her!" she pointed at Hermione, "or I'll stuff a mattress with you!" Hermione looked at her in indignation, but the Witch had already moved on, pointing at Harry. "And you, I'll use you for a beehive!" If Harry had had any eyebrows, they would have hit his non-existent hairline. Then the Witch smiled cruelly, and spat, "Here scarecrow, want to play ball?" And she conjured a fireball and threw it towards Hermione…

* * *

…and Harry, who'd been waiting for the witch to throw the fireball, used his ax to bat it back. Unfortunately, she'd already disappeared in a large red smoke-screen, so the fireball missed its target. _Damn! Oh well_, he thought, _maybe I'll get her next time_.

Hermione was furious. "She just threw a fireball at me. I'm made of _straw_, Harry – that does it! Let's go. That witch is so melted! Stuff a mattress with me! I'll show _her_!"

Harry was equally incensed. Not much could stir true rage in the easy-going and forgiving Gryffindor; but a threat to one of his friends was a sure bet. His determination to get them out of this situation left a steely glint in his eye as he answered his straw friend. "You're right. Let's find Ron, get to the Emerald City, and find a way _out_ of this freak show," he snorted as he remembered the threat the witch had made against him. "Beehive, huh? Let her just _try_ and make a beehive out of me! I've heard better threats from a – a blast-ended skrewt!" (1)

With that, the two students stormed off down the Yellow Brick Road, leaving the stupefied adults behind them. Until, of course, they heard the irritated voice of Hermione, floating back down the road towards them.

"Well, are you _coming_?"

They hurried after them.

* * *

**Part Three: The Scardy-Cat – Ahem! I mean, Spineless Feline**

Ron had found himself awakening next to a decrepit old road made of yellow brick. _Which was probably a clue_, he thought, _to the reason I'm prowling around on four paws in a fur coat_. He hadn't managed to see exactly what he looked like, but the claws and tail were a major indication things weren't exactly normal. Deciding that being turned into some kind of animal – probably of the large feline variety – hadn't changed who he was or given him any killer instinct, he thought it rather unreasonable to risk the dark, dense forest around him, as it was quite unlikely he would be able to fight anything off that was determined to eat him, and decided to stay were he was next to the road.

Yellow brick… it was eerily familiar to him somehow. Where was it he'd seen or heard or read about a road made of yellow brick? Ron slumped onto his belly, thinking hard. Yellow brick, dark forest, feline creature… a sudden shiver of cold ran down his back and made the fur on his tail stand on end as he remembered that book Harry had been given by Hermione for his fourteenth birthday (2). Later Hermione had introduced them to the movie adaptation; it had been a few days before they'd all headed off for the Quidditch World Cup, the events of which had pushed all thoughts of the incredible muggle invention called _teevee_ out of his mind. Looking around him now, he realized he was right where he was supposed to be for a grand entrance as… _the Cowardly Lion?_ He was a _lion_? Wait – he was a coward? _This_, Ron thought irritably to himself, _sucks_.

* * *

That had been about twelve hours ago, and Ron had come to the rather obvious conclusion, some time ago, that he and his friends Harry and Hermione were the unluckiest three people in the history of the magical world.

Not only did one of them have the dubious honour of being the primary thorn-in-the-side of a raging psychopath – also placing the other two in the same sort of danger – but they also had to deal with the most bumbling, ineffectual, incompetent, useless, inept, _hopeless_ adults claiming (the jury was still out on this one) they knew what was best for them.

Oh, look – obvious trap-like object. Take it to the adults.

_Dumb_.

They should have known better… Ron was aware that his thoughts had become rather sarcastic and miserable, but he didn't feel like controlling them at all. After all, if Ron Weasley was going to be in any way depressed, he was going to do it with finesse!

* * *

As the group of seven walked on, the pleasant woods around them had darkened into a creepy, dark forest. Sounds from outside the dense foliage were non-existent, while the cry of a strange bird and deep screams of large-sounding beasts where strangely magnified. _And was that sinister, suspenseful music I just heard?_ Sirius wondered. A cold shiver travelled up his spine, setting his fur on edge. This place was the weirdest he'd _ever_ been in his whole life – and that was saying something.

They'd been following the kids for about two hours, though it was hard to tell; if it was still daylight, you couldn't tell it under the trees. Neither seemed to be answering questions, and both had developed a liking for snarling at the adults if they asked them anything they considered to be stupid, or commented on the situation at all, or asked after their health, or just generally spoke _at all_. Sirius had never felt more chastised than he did at the moment, and considering that he had gone to school with Minerva McGonagall as a teacher and Albus Dumbledore as a headmaster, and had made some (all right, a lot of) rather stupid mistakes (something he'd only ever admit to himself) it was rather a extraordinary achievement for the two adolescents.

He sighed. Never let it be said, however, that Sirius Black was a quitter; he moved to walk beside Harry again – on the side he _wasn't_ carrying an ax, because he was never going to repeat that mistake again, and no, he wasn't going to tell anyone what had happened, ever; and he would figure out a way to obliviate the rest of the group another time – and asked, timidly, "Harry?"

Harry sighed in irritation. "What is it Sirius?"

The dog animagus paused, then replied, "Well, you and Hermione seem to be rather… well," he paused, trying to think of a diplomatic way to put it…

Harry spoke before he could think of anything. "Irate? Annoyed? Royally pissed off? Any of these fit where you're going?"

"Well, yes," he replied cautiously.

Harry sighed again, but he seemed more tired than annoyed at this point. "Sirius," he began, "I love you. You're my godfather and my friend. But there are times when I could also cheerfully murder you. This is one of them."

Sirius had felt a ball of warmth invade his chest at the confession his godson gave, but by the time Harry had finished his statement, his doggy ears and tail where drooping. "Why?" he asked, for once being somber.

Harry looked penetratingly at him; Sirius fancied that his green eyes saw into his soul, searching to see if he was ready to hear this. What he found obviously satisfied him; because he started to speak.

"…I don't like it when my friends are in danger. Ron and Hermione are the only family I have. We're numbers one, two and three on Voldemort's let's-turn-into-kiddy-paste list. Our lives are never really _safe_. When it's not him, it's something else. We're told time and time again to trust those that are older than us, but time and time again you prove that we _can't_. Because of you and Snape, me and my friends got pulled here; Ron is still missing and anything could be happening to him. It's just… I need someone I can count on Sirius; someone who worries about me, not causes me to worry over them… and someone who cares about me because who I _am_, not who my father _was_." The confession seemed to deflate Harry, who moved away from Sirius and again walked by his best friends' side.

Harry had slowed and stopped walking as he spoke, and the other adults had caught up to them. There was an unconscious canine whine coming from Sirius' throat as he contemplated how he had treated his godson over the last year. Remus crouched next to his friend, hand gently rubbing between his ears. "Don't worry, Sirius. I know you can fix this," he whispered. Sirius looked at him.

"I don't know, Remus. I really screwed up this time, didn't I?"

Remus paused; but he knew his friend needed the truth from him right now. "Yes. But I also know Harry. There's much more of Lily in him than anyone gives him credit for. I think it's his two friends you might have trouble convincing the most. They're both very protective of Harry. But you're going to have to change some things, Sirius. Maybe you should try to be friends with Harry, instead of simply continuing your friendship with James through him."

"You know, maybe James and Lily should have named you godfather," sadness was shot through both Sirius' tone and expression.

"Nah, Sirius. I know you're up to it," Remus smiled. "Besides. I know you think Harry's worth the effort."

Determination took over from sorrow; and Sirius suddenly gave a big doggy grin. "Yeah, he is. Thanks Remus." And with a very mischevious look on his snout, he gave Remus a big lick up the side of his face, and took off to catch up with Harry and Hermione, leaving Remus behind.

"Sirius!" the outraged screech echoed down the dark path and through the haunting woods.

* * *

Albus, Minerva and even Severus were deep in thought after overhearing the conversation between Sirius and his godson. Albus knew his placement of Harry had had a deep impact on his life; but he hadn't really realized how deep an impact until Harry described his two best friends – people he'd only known for, essentially, less than five years – as his only family. He was deeply saddened by the very lonely childhood the boy had had because of his decision. The childhood that was still being affected by something that wasn't even his fault! For Harry and his friends _were_ still children, only fifteen and sixteen year olds (3), and how much more was expected of them simply because someone wanted them dead?

* * *

At first, Minerva had bristled about the comment of not trusting her and her colleagues. She didn't think it a very fair statement at all. But if she was nothing else, Minerva was brutally honest, especially with herself. Memories of the trio's school career came to her, most especially three little faces looking up at her with absolute certainty that she would listen to their fears about a magical object being hidden in the school… and then Minerva found herself to be ashamed. _She_ had been one the adults those children had gone to for help. _She_ had let them down.

* * *

Severus knew what it was like to live with unrealistic expectations. His father _expected_ him to be normal, instead of magical. His mother _expected_ him to break easily into the social pureblood scene she regretted leaving behind for a muggle. His school mates _expected_ him to give up his only friend because she was muggle-born and he a Slytherin. Lucious Malfoy _expected_ him to be forever grateful for "bringing him into the fold" as a teenager – as if he'd have even been accepted, as a half-blood, if he'd not been _the_ most talented and youngest potions master in the history of the magical world in his own right. Voldemort _expected_ he give up the lives of the children he'd chosen to protect. Albus _expected_ he give up the bitterness that had been his only companion for more than thirty years.

All unrealistic.

He'd never thought he'd contribute to unrealistic expectations in another; especially knowing the burden they'd made on his own life.

But he expected all Gryffindoors to be arrogant, prideful beings that bullied those they decided didn't live up to their own standards. He expected the "golden trio" to be attention-seeking, idiot children who would never grow up – because they chose not to, not because their lives were cut short – and he especially expected Harry James Potter to be a carbon copy of his horrible, bullying father who had stolen the only good thing Severus had ever had in his life – his best friend, Lily Evans.

_I don't like it when my friends are in danger... Ron and Hermione are the only family I have._

It was highly unlikely they went looking for trouble.

_We're numbers one, two and three on Voldemort's let's-turn-into-kiddy-paste list. Our lives are never really __safe__. When it's not him, it's something else. _

It was highly unlikely – no matter who won the war – that all three would survive.

_We're told time and time again to trust those that are older than us, but time and time again you prove that we __can't__._

How many times had he let them down? Told them without saying the exact words, that he would never listen if they were in trouble and needed help? That he would rather spit on their faces than render them aid?

_Because of you and Snape, me and my friends got pulled here; Ron is still missing and anything could be happening to him._

They were already more mature than most adults… himself and the mutt especially – and didn't that thought _burn_…

_It's just… I need someone I can count on Sirius; someone who worries about me, not causes me to worry over them… and someone who cares about me because who I __am__, not who my father __was__._

Deep down, Severus knew he'd never given the boy a chance. He saw of him what he wanted, and no more. Harry wasn't James… the wolf was right; he was more like Lily…

He was Harry Potter, and already more than the sum of his parents. Severus knew it was unlikely anyone would ever know how deeply his opinion of the child had been changed by this misadventure; not even himself.

It was time for some _serious_ Slytherin-styled denial.

* * *

Ron had been sitting by the road for a while now, and had just started thinking about perhaps going to explore his surroundings, when he heard footsteps coming down the road. He perked up. It could be his friends! Then his ears flattened... _but then, considering my luck... I'd better be on the safe side_, he decided. So he hid his now considerable bulk in the thick jungle foliage by the road - and waited...

* * *

They hadn't gone much further when an enormous scream came from the forest; and the adults of the misplaced magical group realized that they didn't have very much in the way of being able to defend themselves without their magic. "What do you suppose could be in those woods?" Minerva asked, a little shaken.

Harry suppressed a grin, as he quoted: "Lions and tigers and bears…"

"Lions?" Severus repeated, caught between derision and fear. "Typical," he muttered.

"Tigers?" Minerva echoed, faintly, looking at the dense woods around them with apprehension.

"Bears?" Remus thought with a frown, wondering how they could protect themselves from such beasts.

"Oh, my," Hermione finished dryly, with a grin on her painted scarecrow face. Harry grinned back, as they both realised that this would be the perfect time for an entrance...

And in a flurry of fangs and fur and claws and absolute, screaming relief, Ronald Weasley jumped out from the side of the road and landed on his two friends in merriment.

* * *

His heart had stopped. He was absolutely sure of it. His body froze as his mind raced, desperate to find a solution that wouldn't end up with the two children in front of him being eaten by a wild, ravenous beast… and found nothing. He had no wand, and the little hand-magic he was capable of would never get rid of what looked like a four-hundred pound lion. They were going to _watch_ as their charges were made into kiddie-kitty kibble… he could almost hear the crunch as the creature took a bite out of Harry's tin throat… wait. Why would a carnivore be interested in attacking something made of metal?

Then the terrifying moment was over, and Albus felt his heart resume it's normal adrenaline pumping action, and the fact that the lion was slobbering all over Harry and Hermione instead of trying to eat them registered…

* * *

Minerva, Severus, Remus, and Sirius all froze. In one petrifying moment, each thought that that was _it_, the children were gone, there was no return. Each felt a mixture of horror and guilt; such short, tragic lives ended in such a gruesome fashion, no way of making up their short-comings, no second-chances, no seeing what they would make of their lives even in the face of overwhelming odds…

* * *

…then came the disgusted shout of two faces being licked within an inch of their lives.

"_Ronald!_"

The large animal pulled away, and the adults were left looking at a very familiar face. It was covered in golden fur, with a distinctly feline-shape to it, surrounded by a mane of red and gold – but familiar, none the less.

Ronald Weasley was a _lion_.

At that point, all the adults had a very similar thought. _That book should come with a warning label… 'may cause constant heart palpitations and breathing difficulties, as well as continuous danger of loss of consciousness and possible humiliation'…_

_

* * *

_

Minerva sat down very suddenly. Her legs simply could not hold her up, her relief was so great. Not only had Harry and Hermione not been eaten, they'd found her missing Gryffindor. She shut her eyes for a moment and simply breathed in her feelings of relief.

Albus made his way to her and placed his hand on her shoulder, but even he couldn't tell you if it was meant for comfort or to hold himself up.

Severus found a convenient tree and leaned against it, trying to regain his composure; this day was disastrous enough without everyone realising he'd just been scared right through to his bones... he feared his reputation would not survive this little misadventure.

Remus dropped to one knee beside his currently-canine friend and put a hand on his back, relief making him dizzy and light-headed; although Ron also had undergone a dreadful transformation, at least they'd _found_ him, and now they'd be able to _fix_ him – fix them all.

Sirius had never felt such relieved joy in his life. If he wasn't holding up Remus' weight, he'd rush to Harry's side and probably give him a good bath in doggy-drool himself. Of course, that would probably rust him right now, he though joyously, and though he didn't particularly like the thought of his godson's transformation, right now he was too happy to care. He still had a chance with him, with them – for a moment, one horrifying moment, he thought he wouldn't. That he'd lost Harry forever. Sirius hadn't truly realised how deeply Harry had managed to penetrate his heart until that moment; and he knew he'd do anything to help Harry to trust him again.

And the children...

...were having a conversation and ignoring the adults completely.

"Has the witch shown up yet?" Ron asked. Sirius wondered again how they knew about her.

"We've met," Hermione answered shortly.

Ron frowned. "Is she…?"

"Oh, yeah. We're not the only ones they managed to get on the wrong side of today," Harry answered with dark humour.

Ron grinned a savage feline grin at his friend, showing off his mouthful of deadly teeth. "But we're probably the worst," he replied, unsheathing his claws.

Both Harry and Hermione grinned; their situation hadn't changed very much, they were still very not-human and lost with a bunch of helpless adults in tow, but – they were _together_, and in their opionion there was nothing stronger than that.

Typically, their good mood really annoyed Severus Snape. "I don't know what you're all grinning about," he snarled in an attempt to cover his relief that they were safe. "We're still stuck in this horrible forest that's crawling with wild beasts..."

Ron looked at Harry in bemusement.

"...looking for some wizard who's apparently set up shop at the end of a road made of yellow brick..."

Harry shrugged and raised an eyebrow at Hermione.

"...on the word of a village full of half-pints that had obvious brain-damage with a green-skinned magical menace on our tail..."

Hermione scrunched her nose and looked back at Ron.

"...with no real way of knowing if this wizard can help us or not – are you three even listening to me?" he finished with a demand.

All three gave him a look that no-one had trouble translating as _no, of course not_; then turned around and started walking down the road again.

Ron threw a look to his two friends and snickered; his mood doing a sudden complete turnaround now there were people to be miserable _with_. He, Harry and Hermione always handled adversity (like potions classes and divination homework) well together. Besides, at least _he_ was still flesh and blood, as opposed to _not_ and that was always a good thing, even if he _did_ have to play the cowardly lion.

"Well, come on then you shivering junkyard! Put a move on, you lopsided bag of hay! We're off to see the wizard, and all that jazz!"

"He's enjoying this far too much," Harry said dryly.

"Uh-huh," Hermione agreed.

And so, off they set again, along the Yellow Brick Road, towards the Emerald City, and Oz.

* * *

_A/N: And here it is at last! Hope you all enjoyed! (1) Something Hagrid decided to come up with; highly illegal as is his usual and not very good talkers, but – fire-balls shooting from one end and huge teeth on the other, they don't need to say much, do they? Plus, I couldn't think of anything else… (2) I can't remember what Hermione got Harry for his fourteenth birthday, but just pretend the book was added. OK? (3) According to the "Harry Potter Lexicon" Hermione was born 19__th__ September, 1979 (making her the eldest of the three), meaning she is already 16 at the time this tale is set. Ronald was born 16__th__ March 1980, making him 15, the same as Harry who – as everyone knows – was born at the end of July. This fic is set during the Christmas break, 1995… hope my math works out…_


	5. We're Off To See The Wizard

_Disclaimer__: I do not own the concept and characters of Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz, either the books or the movies. __Warning__: Out-Of-Character-ness ahead! AU, Crossover._

_Summary__: Harry is sent an anonymous Christmas present; it's time to meet the real Golden Trio… perhaps the adults should run for cover?_

* * *

**Harry Potter and the Wizard of Oz**

**By Arishaa**

::-/\-::

Chapter Five:

We're Off To See The Wizard

::-/\-::

They finally – _finally_ – reached the edge of the dark forest. The night before hadn't been very comfortable for any of them, save perhaps the three members of the party that had been transformed, and Padfoot. Sirius had found it easy to curl up and fall asleep in the entry way of the small shelter Harry, Hermione and Ron had been able to construct. The golden trio had disappeared into the forest while the others had been resting and come back a half-hour later, telling them they'd made somewhere safe for them to stay the night. When they found the small, but sturdy, lean-to, the three kids had nearly fallen down laughing at the sight of the adults' faces. Sirius and Remus had been most impressed; the shelter had obviously been hastily constructed, but was also quite noticeably safe and strong.

The professors had also been very impressed, but more surprised, because they'd never considered that there was more to the golden trio that met the eye. Like most others around them, they saw only what the children were comfortable with them seeing, never looking below the surface. It bothered them that they'd never noticed the layers of personality the three young heroes obviously possessed.

Ron had curled up in the very doorway of the shelter, protecting those inside with his body. Not needing to sleep now they were made of straw and tin, Hermione and Harry, respectively, stood guard outside for the night. The adults had gone inside the shelter and, after the hard day they'd experienced, were soon fast asleep. They had been warm, but hardly comfortable, and woke the next morning stiff and sore. They probably would have relaxed longer if the trio hadn't set out without pause; Hermione stating firmly that it was better to walk it off when it looked like they would protest.

But now they were out. Ahead of them was one of the most beautiful sights any of them had ever seen. It was a city, surrounded by a defensive wall, with a palace sitting in the very centre; they could see the turrets towering above the rest of the city. It sat in the middle of productive fields of corn; and the whole entity was created out of the most beautiful green material, shining like a precious stone in a golden setting. The Emerald City.

* * *

Albus, Minerva, Severus, Remus and Sirius all perked up at the sight of the city they had been looking for. Their pace increased and most of them had smiles slowly growing on their faces. Severus, of course, did not smile, but he would admit to being somewhat relieved.

Harry, Hermione and Ron on the other hand, were rather wary. They were sure the witch would attack them just before they reached the city, but would it be the way they were expecting or something new? Would Glinda the Good Witch be able to give them assistance, or would they have to figure something out themselves?

Swapping concerned looks, they hesitantly started after the adults of their company. By the time they caught up with them, Sirius had already succumbed to the magical flowers growing around them, Remus was trying to stay awake and attempting to wake the Grim animagus without any luck, Minerva was leaning heavily on Severus who was scowling in an attempt to keep his eyes open, and Albus was looking around in worry, trying to sense where the spell was coming from.

"What is going on?" Minerva asked in a breathy voice – testament to how much the spell was affecting her, as breathy was something she'd never had the illogical state-of-mind to achieve before in her life.

"The witch; she's sent a sleeping spell at us, it's in these flowers. It won't affect me or Harry, but you're all vulnerable to it," Hermione explained in a rush.

"How do we counteract it?" Albus asked urgently.

The three students looked at each other; then Harry took command. "Ron, run as fast as you can to the edge. We'll never be able to carry you if you succumb. Go!" he ordered, and Ron took off for the Emerald City. "We must keep moving. Professors, keep walking. Don't stop for anything. Lean on each other if you must, but _don't stop_," Harry emphasized. They nodded, too tired to comment on the absurdity of being ordered around by someone more than twenty years junior to their youngest member. They, too, set off. "Hermione, carry the basket. Remus, you and I are going to carry Padfoot. Let's go." ...and they started towards the Emerald City. It didn't take long for them to overtake the three professors; Minerva and Severus lying on the ground fast asleep. Harry instructed Albus to walk with them. Harry and Hermione would have to go back for the professors.

Thankfully – due to Albus' higher magical reserves and control and Remus' werewolf constitution – when they finally succumbed, they were close enough to the edge that it was easy for Harry and Hermione to drag them out of the field. They left them, with Sirius, to sleep off the effects of the enchanted sleep. Unfortunately, Ron had finally given in to the spell as well; about two hundred meters from safety. Harry and Hermione only hoped they'd be able to budge him. They went back for the professors. By the time they'd managed to drag them to the others, they had started to stir. Soon the adults were up and about; but Harry and Hermione didn't really care. They had to get to Ron.

As they set off again into the field of flowers, Minerva tried to stop them. "Wait! Where are you going? You can't move him by yourselves!" She went to pull them back but Albus stopped her.

"We can't help them, Minerva. We'd only yield to the spell again," he spoke sombrely.

"But then, how can we get Ron back? We can't leave him behind!" Remus spoke urgently.

"We must have faith; that they will think of something," Albus spoke firmly, although to those who knew him well, they would have noticed the slight shake of his voice that told of his fear.

* * *

Harry and Hermione quickly reached where Ron was lying, fast asleep. They knelt beside their friend. They were not tired at all, for they were made from materials that didn't tire; but they were heart-sick. There was no way for them to lift the weight their friend now had.

"What are we going to do?" Hermione whispered.

"I don't know," Harry whispered back. "We need help."

"But who? Who can help us now?" Hermione probably would have cried if her eyes weren't currently made of paint.

"Glinda…" Harry whispered… and somehow, someway, she heard. And answered. It began to snow.

* * *

The adults, watching from the road, were astonished to see snow fall from a cloudless blue sky. They all felt the tingle of magic, and knew that it came from the snow. They watched in awe as the snow covered the poppy flowers, counteracting the sleeping spell that they could feel even from where they stood. It was amazing, and beautiful, and it held them spellbound until three figures could be seen walking out of the warring magicks…

* * *

Hermione looked up into the sky as the first snowflake touched her. "Harry, look!" she exclaimed in joy. "She heard us! Glinda heard us!"

Harry smiled at her, equally joyful in the answer to their need. Then he frowned. "Hermione, will I rust?"

Hermione looked at him, and said, "maybe, let's try to cover you a bit." She pulled out the winter over-robe that Severus had finally discarded – placing it folded up in the basket Hermione still carried, as he refused to leave it behind – and draped it over her metal friend. "There," she said in satisfaction, "that should solve that problem."

"Thanks, Hermione," Harry said.

And Ron woke up.

"Ron!" they both shouted in relief.

"Wassat?" he said blearily; then abruptly shook off the hazy feelings to focus on the situation. "I fell asleep, didn't I? How did I wake up? Was it Glinda?"

"Yes," Hermione answered him. "At least, we're pretty sure. It's snowing anyway."

"We should go on. I want to get you out of these flowers, Ron," Harry said urgently. His friends agreed, and they set off for the edge of the poppy field.

* * *

As the three kids exited the poppy field, music again seemed to come from no-where, bell-like voices singing a triumphant song –

_You're out of the woods, you're out of the dark, you're out of the night;_

_Step into the sun, step into the light_

_Keep straight ahead for the most glorious place, on the face of the earth or the sky;_

_Hold onto your breath, hold onto your heart, hold onto your hope_

_March up to the gate and bid it open!_

The song continued right up until they came to the end of the Yellow Brick Road, and were faced with two towering doors in the green defensive wall surrounding the Emerald City. In the doors was a watchman's window, with a knocker just under it and a bell rope hanging to the side.

The trio stood back from the door, trailing behind the adults. "Look, there's a bell," Albus said in relief.

"I wouldn't try that if I were you – " Harry started, but Severus, having had enough of this absolute _nonsense_, interrupted him.

"It's a doorbell, you stupid boy! It's meant to be pulled!" and strode to the pull.

"But professor, it's out-of-order!" Hermione protested.

"How can you possibly know before we've even tried, Miss Granger?" Minerva asked, clearly at the end of her rope after everything that had happened to her since they'd arrived.

Severus pulled the on the bell rope and it rang. "Oh yes, I can see that's broken," he sneered.

The trio looked at each other and rolled their eyes. _Grown-ups_, was their mutual consensus. They were so _tiresome_… their thoughts were interrupted by the opening of a round window in the huge doors in front of them, the doorman sticking his head out in irritation.

"Who rang that bell?" he demanded.

"We did, good sir! My name is Albus Dumbledore," Albus introduced himself, then went on to introduce his companions, "these are my colleagues Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black," the doorkeeper's eyes were growing wider by the minute; his face was that peculiar shade of red that was just turning purple, and the look of incredulous shock on his face was most amusing to the teens watching; all who were used to that very expression being directed at them and knew what it meant. Albus was still speaking. "We were wondering – " but he was interrupted by the irate voice of the doorkeeper, who had clearly decided he was an escaped mental patient, a theory that was probably well worth looking into at some point, and Hermione made a mental note to pursue it at a later date.

"Can't you read?" he demanded.

"Read what?" Minerva's lips were pursed with disapproval for the interruption.

"The notice!" The doorkeeper was clearly unimpressed with the looks of censure he was receiving from the adults looking up at him.

"What notice?" Severus sneered; this man was even more scatterbrained than Black, and that, in his opinion, meant dumber than dirt.

"It's on the door, as plain as the nose on my face! It's – " he stopped and stared at the blank wall, dumbfounded. _Where_ had his notice gone? He spluttered in indignation and pulled out another (he had spares, as someone kept removing his notices from the door; he suspected nargells but he'd yet to catch them at it) and placed it on the door, then abruptly pulled himself back inside the city and slammed the window shut.

The adults on the outside of the door looked at each other incredulously; then read the notice: BELL OUT OF ORDER, PLEASE KNOCK. They turned and looked at the children in their care; Snape glared his _you've-done-something-I-just-know-it-and-I'll-find-out-eventually_ (referred to by the trio as #56) glare, McGonagall lips practically disappeared her lips were pressed together so hard, Dumbledore blinked at them like he'd never seen them before (or perhaps he _was_ on something, Ron wondered if stealing another of the headmaster's lemon drops for further testing was possible...), Sirius looked at them sheepishly, his doggy face eager, and Remus had a thoughtful look on his face that meant he was thinking deep thoughts (the kind, Harry thought, that always meant trouble for them sooner or later). The trio attempted to look patient (but really, when were they going to learn?) and then Harry stepped up to the doors and used the huge knocker to pound on the door.

The small window opened again.

"Well, that's more like it! Now, state your business," the watchman welcomed them.

"We want to see the wizard," the trio chorused before the grown-ups could say anything else damaging.

The watchman nearly fell out of his window. "The Wizard?" he questioned. "But nobody can see the great Oz. Nobody's ever seen the great Oz! Even I've never seen him!"

"Then how do you know that you have one?" Hermione questioned the man shrewdly, trying to keep as much to the script as possible.

"Because he's – um… oh, you're wasting my time!" he spluttered in reply, and started to withdraw back into the city.

"Please, sir. We've got to see the wizard. The Good Witch of the North sent us!" Harry spoke imploringly, stopping the man from vanishing inside the stronghold.

"Prove it!" he demanded.

Hermione pulled McGonagall forward without warning, as Ron answered, "She's wearing the ruby slippers that she gave her!"

Again, it crossed the adult's minds that the children with them knew a lot more of what was going on around here than they did, and remained quiet to see where the conversation would lead.

The watchman peered down, and at Hermione's encouragement, Minerva showed off her feet, encased in the magical shoes. As soon as he saw them, the watchman beamed, and said "Oh! So she is! Well, bust my buttons! Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different colour! Come on in!"

And with great fanfare, the huge doors opened.

The inside of the Emerald City was breath-taking. _Everything_ was green. The city itself was constructed of various materials all in green, the people all wore green clothing, even the water in the fountains was green. Majestic columns rose into the air and grand staircases could be seen stretching away into the distance, decorated with intricate carvings; and everyone wore elaborate clothing as though making an appearance in the court of a monarchy.

As the misplaced magical group entered, a man pulled up to the gates in a horse-drawn buggy, offering a ride. "Cabby, cabby! Just what you're looking for. Take you any place in the city we does!" he looked suspiciously like the watchman1, but considering everything else in this bizarre place, no-one was going to complain.

"Will you take us to see the Wizard?" Hermione quickly asked.

"The Wizard? The Wizard?" The cabby looked shocked; as if it was the first time anyone had ever asked to go there. He spluttered a little before answering, "Yes, of course. But first I'll take you to a little place where you can tidy up a bit."

Albus took control of the group again, thanking the cabby and everyone managed to squeeze into the carriage – lined of course, in green – before Minerva saw the horse that pulled the carriage change colour. She gasped, and said, "How beautiful! I've never seen a horse like that before!"

This drew the groups' attention, as they watched the only thing in Emerald City that wasn't green (apart from themselves) change colour again; rich, vibrant colours – from pearl white to royal purple; ruby red to shining gold.

The Cabby answered her comment: "No, and never will again, I fancy. There's only one of him, and he's it. He's the horse of a different colour you've heard tell about!"

And with that, they were off.

As they travelled – with the horse of a different colour spontaneously changing shades all the while – all the green-clad people sang at them the whole way – _again_.

_Ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho!_

_And a couple of tra-la-las_

_That's how we laugh the day away, in the merry old land of Oz_

_Bzz, bzz, bzz! Chirp, chirp, chirp!_

_And a couple of la-di-das_

_That's how the crickets crick all day, in the merry old land of Oz_

_We get up at twelve, and start to work at one –_

_Take an hour for lunch and then at two we're done_

_Jolly good fun!_

_Ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho!_

_And a couple of tra-la-las_

_That's how we laugh the day away, in the merry old land of Oz_

_Ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho!_

_Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!_

_That's how we laugh the day away, with a ho-ho-ho, ha-ha-ha_

_In the merry old land of Oz!_

Not having experienced this before, the trio sat back to enjoy it thoroughly – though perhaps it was the frustrated grinding of teeth coming from the adult members of their contingent that they found to be most entertaining... no-one would ever hear that from one of _them_, though.

Harry smirked at his friends, wicked humour gleaming in his eyes. "…interesting work ethic they have around here, isn't it?" he spoke softly, hoping to slide under the notice of the irate adults that were tagging along with them.

Ron smirked back, and replied just as softly, "think McGonagall would go for it in Hogwarts?"

Hermione snickered.

Her friends turned to look at her; considering she'd be just as devastated as McGonagall if it was implemented as a class schedule, her finding the situation humourous was an interesting development.

She rolled her painted eyes at them. "What? I can imagine McGonagall's face – hell, even _Snape's_ face – if Dumbledore ever got any ideas from this adventure just as well as you two can."

The boys paused to imagine the scene for themselves. They gave identical snickers. It _was_ pretty funny.

When they arrived – and really, they hadn't gone very far, it would have been just as easy to walk – they got out with the rest of the passengers and looked up at the sign that read "Wash & Brush Up Co."

Before they entered, they shared a concerned glance. Somehow, they didn't think this was going to be as easy or as comfortable as might be first thought...

* * *

Sirius was _not_ impressed.

After they'd arrive at the Emerald City – _at last_ – they'd been quickly bundled into a horse-drawn carriage and taken to a what amounted to be a glorified beauty parlour, no matter that it was called "Wash & Brush Up Co." while being sung at by the green-clad people – seriously, these people were _obsessed_! The next hour he'd lived through had to be the most humiliating experience he'd ever had – and that included having to hunt and eat rats to survive. He'd been soaked, washed, brushed, permed, and _bow-ed_.

_This city is a Slytherin's dream, even with all the happy singing_, the animagus thought snidely, as the group were finally released from the sycophants that had grabbed them.

Sirius scowled at the green ribbon tied in the fur atop his head. It's only redeeming feature, as far as he was concerned, was that it wasn't _pink_. He growled as soon as he saw Snape, who smirked maliciously but refrained from speaking – probably (correctly) assuming the consequences for opening his mouth in this instance would be rather permanent. Sirius grumbled all the way through the Emerald City to the Wizards Palace, ignoring the singing and not even noticing everyone else was also clean and – in Harry's case – gleaming.

He was snapped out of his sulk when everyone around him started screaming. He looked into the sky to see the witch on her broomstick flying over the city. While mildly concerned (the woman had, after all, threatened his pups very effectively the last time they met), he had to wonder what the people around them were so scared about. It was just snivellous' evil twin. He paused… well, evil-er, anyway.

* * *

Minerva, on the other hand, found herself more completely relaxed than she had been in days. _Or more_, she thought, remembering the tense situation they had left behind at home. _Perhaps when we get home, I'll get all the other female teachers together for something similar,_ she decided. In the meantime, Minerva McGonagall was going to enjoy the one good thing she'd experienced in this horrible place. She'd enjoyed a lovely, warm, scented bath; warm towels to dry with; cream to moisturize her skin; and a wonderful massage from a talented practitioner. She'd slipped back into her dress that had been laundered and repaired. Minerva's hair had been taken out of those ridiculous braids, though it hadn't been returned to the sensible bun she usually favoured. Instead it hung down her back in curls, fastened back from her forehead by a ribbon – one that was red2, instead of green, oddly enough – to match the ruby slippers on her feet. As she left the young ladies that had been so helpful and kind, Minerva re-gathered her formidable and infamous will – she would face the rest of this adventure as she faced everything else in her life: with her lion's courage firmly in place.

Of course, that was when the Wicked Witch of the West – how ridiculous a name that was, anyway – showed up. Minerva's stern eyes narrowed and her lips pressed together in disapproval. That woman would get a piece of her mind the next time they met, she promised herself. No-one threatened one of her cubs and got away with it – not Death Eaters, trolls, basilisks, not even Voldemort himself – and certainly not the Wicked Witch of the West!

* * *

Severus couldn't decide whether to be pleased or peeved. He'd had a thorough wash – which had been most pleasant, as he disliked being unclean – and had his hair washed. That he didn't mind. It was usually quite greasy, having been affected over the years by all the fumes he dealt with that wafted from all the different potions he made. Currently, it gleamed – again not something he was used to, but it was his hair, and he was rather indifferent to how it was presented, as long as it didn't include _curls_. Which, much to his chagrin, it very nearly _had_. That was all he needed, he thought irritably, ringlets to completely decimate what was left of his _I'm-scary-fear-me_ reputation. The indignity of that particular battle would never be repeated to anyone, and as soon as possible, would be locked away in the furtherest, darkest, unlooked-at corner of his mind in the hope that no-one would ever be able to pluck it from his head – and considering that he worked for two of the most talented leglimens the world had ever known, on different sides to make it even harder – that was something very much to be feared. As was the identity of whom he had battled against. They all looked so innocent, the people of this city, with their happy green clothes and rosy cheeks and sparkly eyes – was this where Albus had originated? – and were deceptively small and slight; but these Oziens were tough nuts to crack. As he hurried away from the five-foot, four-inches middle-aged woman that had very nearly wrestled him into a perming chair, he had the crazy thought that if these people were ever introduced to Voldemort, the serpentine man just might run screaming. Severus might consider joining him.

As he joined the rest of his party, he had the momentary satisfaction of seeing _Sirius Black_ with a green bow in his fur, but as he smirked, one of the green-clothed inmates of this insane asylum saw what amounted to a smile on Severus' face, and grinned back at him, singing along with a chorus of people that had just ambushed them at the exit of this torture chamber disguised as a relaxation boutique. _Ugh_, he thought. _I think my teeth are getting cavities_...

Luckily everyone around him started screaming and pointing to the sky at that point. _I think I owe that woman a fruit basket_, Severus considered, as he glanced into the sky to see the witch flying overhead.

* * *

Albus sighed happily as they exited the "Wash & Brush Up Co." He was very relaxed; and absolutely delighted with his beard in ringlets and small braids fastened with tiny ribbons and threaded with beads; and his hair cascading down his back after being nicely washed and brushed.

Despite the stress of the last few days, and not knowing where they were or being able to return home, Albus – having long ago learned to always enjoy good things when they came along – was having a grand time. He had every confidence in his companions, and how they would handle themselves, as well as faith that they would either find their own way home or be rescued by those left behind.

Being very in tune with the feelings of those around him, when the atmosphere suddenly changed from being festive to fearful, Albus was immediately on his guard. Another life lesson he'd picked up – there was a time for relaxing and enjoying, and a time to be ready for action. The people around him were pointing up into the sky, and he saw the witch that had been pursuing them fly overhead on her broom stick. It looked like she was writing something... an interesting effect, the scholar within him whispered, _I wonder how she managed that?_ Albus shook himself, and decided that he would look into when they finally got themselves out of here. For now, it was time to be ready.

* * *

Remus found himself to be both peaceful and amused. Like his elder companions, he enjoyed the relaxation and pampering – and let's face it, he hasn't had much of the latter in his life before – but found himself to be getting far more enjoyment from watching everyone else's reactions. Mooney was quiet within him – his cubs were close and safe, and his pack were together – so all Remus found he had to do was sit back and watch in satisfaction.

He found himself chuckling as he left with the others: he'd never seen Padfoot with such a pout on his doggy face before, the indignation and slight fear on Severus' face was vastly amusing, he loved the relaxed and newly determined air Minerva was now sporting – it was comforting to see her back to normal. It was Albus, of course, that garnered the most amusement from his satisfied glee. He wouldn't have been surprised if they'd added bells somewhere on the old man's person.

It all changed in an instant of course. That was the way of life for them, he considered, as a feeling of fear lanced through the crowd and they all turned to look up into the sky. The witch was using some sort of spell on her broom to write a message... S – U – R...

* * *

Ron was miserable. He'd hated the bath he'd been tossed into – the water and soap were torture – and then the undignified mess he'd been when he finally got away from it. He'd looked like a drowned rat. It had taken almost a full thirty minutes for the sadistic group to dry him, even with hundreds of towels and devises that blew warm air. He was a cat, for heaven's sakes – cats don't _do_ water! Unfortunately, it hadn't ended there. They'd _permed_ his mane! There was a ribbon in his tail! There was probably one on his head, too, but he'd refused to look. He was supposed to be a lion! A predator! A carnivorous giant cat! Were these people insane? He looked around at his travelling companions as they exited the stupid boutique. He'd been in a _boutique!_ _If the twins ever found out..._ he thought, horrified at the prospect. There was a mix of satisfaction and annoyance over the faces of his fellows as they all left the building. Gee, Sirius looked just as miserable as he did... Ron did a double-take at the headmaster's new get-up, and decided that he could be happy that at least they hadn't _braided_ his mane.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the stirring of the crowd, and Ron looked up to see the Wicked Witch of the West for the first time. She didn't look too intimidating, he thought. Oh, look she was writing something. Neat trick...

...S – U – R – R – E – N – D – E – R...

* * *

Since Harry had been turned to tin he didn't get hungry. Or tired. Or hurt, really. It was hard to move sometimes, but that was probably the rust still biting deeply into his joints. He did still feel the same _I'm-creeped-out-of-my-mind_ sensation he felt when he first realized he was a metal-man instead of a flesh-and-blood-and-magic-man every time he really thought about _what_ his body was right now.

When he followed everyone into the building with "Wash & Brush Up Co." signed above the door, Harry wasn't too sure they'd be able to help him in any way, really. It wasn't until after they'd bathed him completely in oil to get rid of the lingering rust and banged out all his dents and polished his body until it shone that he realized although he didn't feel pain, exactly, he did feel a vague discomfort every time he had moved, like an ache in the joints, that was now gone. He was very grateful.

As the group left the building, Harry noted the relaxed air that Dumbledore, McGonagall and Remus now had (and was thankful they'd been helped so much; though he did stare for a little while at Dumbledore, before deciding that the look suited him), and saw how irate Snape, Sirius and Ron were (he could tell why for the latter two: the curls and bows _were_ a little over the top, and also enough that he was thankful he didn't have hair right now), and that Hermione was so scared over something that she was furious (it happened that way a lot – Hermione didn't like being afraid and usually reacted with anger).

It was then that the witch made her second appearance. No third, he thought, as he remembered that the adults would have met her before the trio joined them. She wasn't doing very much that was scary, at least not in Harry's opinion, though he could feel the malicious intent she had. It was enough for the citizen of Oz to be terrified, anyway. She was using her broom to write something in the sky... oh, yes; this was where she told them they needed to give up to her...

S – U – R – R – E – N – D – E – R

M – I – N

Typical... villains from everywhere all seemed to think they were just that scary. Give up now, I'm too frightening to fight against. You don't want to waste your time opposing me, I might give you elevated blood pressure. Was it just those that Harry met, or was every bad guy in existence that lame?

* * *

Hermione was _livid_. It was bad enough they'd been stranded in this ridiculous place because of two infantile idiots; bad enough she'd been turned to straw and her friends transformed into fictional and decidedly non-human forms as well; bad enough they'd had to travel all over the country side on a _yellow_ road (who'd come up with that brilliant idea, anyway?) to a city with a ridiculous name – now she had been _re-stuffed!_

Someone had taken out her old straw and put in fresh, new straw – which on the up-side, didn't smell (not that she could tell, really, the way she normally did; but she was sure old straw must smell) – but she'd become somewhat attached to her stuffing and what if something went wrong when she turned back (and she would, because she categorically refused to be made of straw her whole life) because she didn't have her original insides?

The young witch-turned-scarecrow was pulled from her thoughts by the screaming and running and panicking of the people around her. She looked into the sky to see the stupid, flame-throwing, straw-destroying, fire-bug witch that had been annoying her almost as much as the adults she and her friends had been stuck babysitting. Oh look, she's writing something. How terrifying.

S – U – R – R – E – N – D – E – R

M – I – N – E – R – V – A

_Well, at least she can spell,_ Hermione thought dismissively.

* * *

SURRENDER MINERVA

The crowd around them was panicked and wanted answers. There seemed to be one place they all knew they would get them: The Wizard. As one, the crowd rushed towards the grand entrance to the Wizard's Palace.

"Let's follow them," Hermione suggested.

"They'll lead us to where we need to go," Harry agreed.

The trio took off among the crowd, not really caring at this point if the adults were clued in enough to follow them. Either they were, or simply didn't want to lose them, because as soon as they realized the trio was moving with the crowd, they followed.

As the terrified people came to the Great Doors, they were confronted with the Wizard's Guard.

"Here! Here, here! Everything is alright; stop that now, just... it's all right! Everything is alright!" he shouted to the crowd. "The Great and Powerful Oz has got matters well in hand," he looked in concern at the sky that had the witch's message printed on it. "...I hope," he muttered; then addressed himself back to the people. "So you can all go home! There's nothing to worry about! Get out of here. Now go on!" The throng started to disperse, and he called out a few more words to encourage the stragglers to move. "Go on home, and I'll – ah – " he paused as he noticed a group moving against the retreating mob, towards him. "Go home," he finished hopefully.

As the adults in their group strode purposefully up to the guard, Harry tilted his head curiously as he addressed his two best friends. 3"Hey, does that guy look like the – "

"Doorman?"

"Cabby?"

His friends answered at the same time, giving the funny-looking man the same look. Harry raised his eyebrows at his two cohorts. "...exactly," he answered. The three exchanged a look, and then mutually decided they could think this over later; right now they had other things to worry about. They moved to stand behind their travelling companions, hoping they didn't mess this up too badly.

Albus had stated politely, "Excuse me, good sir, but we need to see the wizard." His colleagues looked at the guard expectantly.

The guard was flummoxed. Didn't these people know anything? "Orders are: nobody can see the great Oz! Not nobody, not nohow!" he told them. They didn't leave.

"Please, it's very important that we see him. We need his help," Minerva tried to persuade the man.

The Wizards Guard was astonished. They hadn't left! Maybe they were hard of hearing? "Not nobody, no nohow!" he repeated; much louder this time, just in case.

Severus narrowed his gaze. How to get passed this annoying obstacle? Ah, of course. "But this is Minerva," he said, hoping to manipulate the man.

The guard started, and stared at the attractive, middle-aged woman. Could she be a powerful witch? Was that why the Wicked Witch of the West wanted her? "The witch's Minerva?" he asked. He thought for a moment... perhaps the Wizard would want to see them? He should ask... probably. Maybe. He glanced at the sky. Yes, definitely should make sure. "Well, that makes a difference. Just wait here. I'll announce you at once," he stuttered, then hurried back inside the doors.

* * *

"Finally we're getting somewhere," Severus muttered. Harry pulled his friends away from the adults as they started to converse amongst themselves.

"We've got about three minutes to think of something to get us in there," he whispered quickly to his friends. "There's no way McGonagall is going to pull a sob story to get us past the door."

"Harry's right. We need to come up with something else," Hermione agreed.

"But what?" Ron asked. His friends looked back at him, Hermione helplessly, Harry thinking furiously. Ron bit his lip, and then started to talk. "It'll have to be impressive. If we can't get in with water-works, we'll need something that the guard will think is extremely important."

Hermione continued the thought. "The only thing he seems to be impressed with is the wizard himself," she noted.

Thankfully, that gave Harry an idea, just as the guard came storming out of the door again. "I've got it," Harry muttered. "Follow my lead, ok?" he said to his two friends as he pushed their way to the front of the group.

The arrival of the guard grabbed the adults' attention, just in time for him to announce harshly: "the Wizard says go away!" and he turned to go back through the doors. They were stunned. Thought was momentarily suspended. Thankfully, the kids were ready.

"Hey!" Harry shouted at the guard, before the door slammed shut, "don't you know who this is?" and he grabbed Snape's arm and pushed him in front. His shout stopped the guard's movement, and he turned towards them again. Thankfully, Severus' all-purpose scowl was the first thing the guard saw when he turned around. He was indeed an impressive figure; still in his severe black under-robes with his straight black hair gleaming down his back to his shoulders, and his, thankfully, instinctive move to cross his arms over his chest and glare down at the guard.

The guard paused. He did indeed look important. "...who?" he asked.

"This is the Wizard of Snape!" Harry announced, as though this were something the guard should have just _known_. "He is the most revered Wizard outside of the land of Oz! He is the Master of Potions, a sect of very powerful Witches!"

"He and his advisors have travelled very far, from beyond the borders of Oz, to confer with the Wizard!" Ron added, gleefully getting into the act.

"His ally, Minerva the Stern Witch of Detentions, defeated the Wicked Witch of the East in glorious battle the moment she arrived!" Hermione added, as though completely scandalized that the guard hadn't heard.

Severus had recovered from his momentary lapse magnificently. He looked down at the guard as though he were something Severus would scrape from the bottom of his shoe. Albus and Minerva were inwardly very amused, but managed to maintain the sombre look of "advisors" very well. Remus was biting his lip so hard, he thought it might bleed; but he too, managed to look suitably imposing. Sirius had landed on his belly, put his paws over his head, and was desperately trying not to break out into uproarious laughter and spoil the job his very clever pups were doing. This was the greatest prank he'd ever seen and not participated in! When she heard Hermione's contribution, Minerva pulled herself up very straight and sternly peered down her nose at the guard. The poor man went quite pale when she looked at him.

Harry quickly brought things to a close, before Sirius could lose the battle with his sense of humour. "You will escort us inside at once! The Wizard of Snape will not be kept waiting a moment longer!"

"Ah... yes, well... that's very – um," the guard stuttered.

Harry frowned severely at him. "Now, my good man!" his voice was sharp and commanding.

"Of course, just – right this way," the bewildered man escorted the group through the door and then went to lie down. He'd had a hard day.

* * *

The hallway they'd entered was long. And tall. And _very_ imposing. Despite the laughter still lingering among the group at the way the children had gotten them inside – something all the adults were very impressed with – the daunting atmosphere soon got to them. This was, after all, the most powerful being on this plane of existence – or wherever they were – and they had just, essentially, lied to the guard to get them inside. They had no magic to protect themselves with. Despite their experience of handling dangerous situation before, fear snuck through. It didn't stop them. They kept going.

As they approached the massive doors that could only lead to a throne room, a massive voice commanded them: "Come forward!" Minerva couldn't help the sharp gasp or Sirius the raised hackles. They kept going.

As they entered the doors – was that more suspenseful music? Could they ever catch a break here? – a strange feeling went through all of them, like static electricity. They kept going.

At the far end of the room, there was – as expected – a throne, but no man sat upon it. Fire and smoke seemed to come from no-where as they approached. From nowhere, a giant see-through head simply came into existence right above the throne.

They had arrived.

Out of the smoke and flames, from the mouth of the great head, the same voice declared: "I am Oz! The Great and Powerful!"

Albus had been distracted, trying to identify the creature they now faced, but in response to the being's introduction he gathered his wandering wits and opened his mouth to reply. Oz didn't give him the chance.

"Who are you? Who are you?" Oz demanded.

Testing the waters, Albus replied: "I am Albus Dumbledore. We have sought an audience with you – "

"Silence!" the Wizard interrupted. "The Great and Powerful Oz, knows why you have come."

_He did? Was this the being that dragged them here?_ Albus wondered, but had no time to pose either question or accusation, as Oz continued – ignoring the adults present and calling on the transformed children, one at a time.

"Step forward Tin Man!" Harry blinked and walked forward; just missed Remus' hand who had grabbed at him, wanting to him to pull him back out of harm's way. "You dare to come to me for a heart, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering, collection of caliginous junk!"

Rather than being afraid, Harry's face showed just how insulted he was. "Hey! That's getting rather personal, don't you think – "

"Quiet!" Oz interrupted. Harry scowled. "And you, Scarecrow – " Hermione stepped forward to Harry's side, Sirius having corralled Remus " – have the effrontery to ask for a brain; you billowing bale of bovine fodder!"

Hermione snorted and retorted, "Say that three times fast, I dare you."

Flame erupted again from around the throne, and Oz shouted, "ENOUGH!" Hermione rolled her eyes. "And you, Lion!" Ron walked forward to stand with his two friends. "Well?" the great voice asked.

Ron blinked. "What, do you expect me to faint?"

"Your request is for valour, is it not? You pitiful, pathetic, fearful feline."

"Oi!" Ron said sharply in affront.

"Silence! The beneficent Oz has every intention of granting your requests," Oz finished grandly, as though expecting applause. "But first you must prove yourselves worthy by performing a very small task. Bring me the broomstick of the Witch of the West."

The adults had long ago quietened, as the requests that Oz expected were rather strange, but the three transformed kids didn't seem all that surprised – not at Oz' assumption, or at the request. "But we'll have to kill her to get it," Harry said.

"Bring me her broomstick, and I'll grant your requests," Oz commanded. "Now go!"

This caused Albus to step forward. "Sir, I believe you may be mistaken – "

"I SAID GO!" Oz thundered, and the room abruptly went dark. Oz was gone.

* * *

They had been shown to a rather sumptuous apartment; the adults had immediately sent the children to bed – ignoring the fact that Harry and Hermione didn't need to sleep anymore, as well as their advice that they would need to do as Oz had ordered – and sat down to plan their next move. It ended up being much more childish bickering than a strategy session. Finally, Albus called a halt.

"We are obviously all over-tired. We will sleep tonight; then tomorrow we simply have to go back to the Wizard and reason with him," Albus decided.

The adults drifted apart and eventually all managed to slip into a deep sleep, undisturbed through the night.

* * *

The kids, on the other hand, _did_ manage to come up with a plan.

The first thing Hermione had commented on was the fact that there had been no curtain in the throne room. "That means we can't jump ahead of the story, we have to see it through to the end," she concluded. Ron nodded thoughtfully, thinking that Hermione was probably right.

Harry agreed, but... "What are we going to do about the adults though? It's like swimming upstream with them constantly holding us back!"

"You know, it would probably be easier to just go without them," Hermione stated firmly. "We know that the wizard isn't going to change his mind, but they won't want to go off wicked witch hunting, and I don't think we'll get out of this thing until we complete the story."

"So the question is: will we be able to kill the witch without the Dorothy character?" Ron asked.

"If we set off straight away, leaving them behind to sleep the night… we could get a good head start. If they came after us we'd have McGonagall but if they didn't we can sneak into the castle and try to melt the witch before she realizes we're there…" Harry suggested.

"I'd say it's our best bet," Hermione agreed.

"We'll need supplies, and we won't be able to take the basket. They'd notice straight away," Ron said.

Harry took charge. "Ron, get some sleep. You still need it. As soon as you've rested enough, we'll go." Ron nodded, and laid down comfortable across the three beds that they'd pushed together to take his increased size. Harry then turned to his straw friend. "Hermione, organise what we need to take, and try to find us some way of carrying it. I'm going to see if I can find some castle-storming supplies," he finished. His female friend nodded, and together they slipped from the apartment and into the city.

* * *

Ron woke a few hours before dawn, to find his two friends were ready. Hermione had re-filled the oil can and gathered some food for the giant cat to eat on the journey, as well as a bag to carry it all in; Harry had found a very long rope with a grappling hook on the end that they added.

As they left the city, Ron had a thought. "Hey guys, how much do you reckon you weigh now?"

His two flesh-challenged friends shared a look. "I don't know. Hermione not very much obviously," Harry answered.

"You wouldn't weigh very much either, Harry. I know there's a lot of you, but tin is one of the lightest metals there is," Hermione said. "Why, Ron?"

"How about you try riding me for a little while? Until I get too tired. We'll get further, faster," he answered.

Hermione grinned. "Good idea. We can only try. Harry give me a hand," she instructed. Harry lifted Hermione onto Ron's back. It didn't take much, and Ron agreed – Hermione weighed less than the bag she had strung across her back. It was a little harder for Harry to manoeuvre his metal body onto the feline's back, but he managed it, and Ron found himself able to carry the load quite easily. He grinned, suddenly full of excitement.

It was time to go kick witch butt, embarrass annoying adults, expose stupid old men posing as great and powerful wizards, and get themselves _home_. Before that, though, Ron had just one question: "Exactly how are we going to find the witch?"

Harry shrugged. "Travel west until we come across the creepiest castle ever built?" he suggested.

Ron grinned. Sounded good to him.

* * *

The adults had revelled in the luxury of being clean and sleeping in a soft bed. As decided, they tried to go back to the wizard to get some more information on where they were. It took until mid-afternoon for them to be told that under no circumstances would they receive another audience until they had the broomstick they'd been ordered to retrieve. Disheartened, they'd returned to the apartment they'd been assigned to discuss their options.

"I hate to say it, but it looks like the kids were right. We may have to go after the witch," Remus spoke reluctantly.

"How? We have no magic, Remus!" Minerva reminded him.

"We'd be sitting ducks and you know it. She obviously commands powerful dark magic and we have none! We must find another solution." Severus had become highly agitated over the whole mess.

"But the wizard won't help us if we don't bring him the broomstick…" Sirius trailed off, worried.

"Do you really believe he'd be able to help us anyway? We have been transported to what appears to be an alternate reality or another magical plain; it's highly unlikely someone from here has enough power and knowledge to return us to our own." Severus stated pessimistically.

"Now, now. Fighting amongst ourselves will accomplish nothing. Perhaps we should sit down with Harry, Ron and Hermione and find out exactly what they know about this place. With more information on where we are, we should be able to find a solution to getting home," Albus outlined their plan of action.

"Where are the miscreants, anyway?" Severus sneered at the thought of needing help from the _golden brats_.

"I haven't seen them today," Minerva commented with a frown.

"I'm going to look for them," Remus said firmly, and strode out the door.

"Wait! I'm coming with you!" Sirius scampered after his best friend.

It didn't take long for Remus and Sirius to discover the children weren't in the Emerald City. Sirius tracked their fading scent trail back to the gates where Remus questioned the gatekeeper. Apparently, they had left as the sun was rising. They had gone alone to face the Wicked Witch of the West...

* * *

_A/N: So here is chapter five! I had about half of this written for so long, and I kept coming back and plodding away at it, and in the end I sat down in one day and just kept going until it was done. Now it is over 8,500 words long. I hope everyone likes it! The dialogue quoted from the movie does not belong to me, and is wonderful.__ (1&3) In the movie, Frank Morgan plays Professor Marvel, the doorman, the cabbie, the guard outside of the wizard's chambers, and the wizard himself. This is why the kids think each of these characters resemble the others. (2) In the movie, Dorothy's ribbon is blue to match her dress, but I have changed it here._


	6. Night On Bold Mountain

_Disclaimer: I do not own the concept and characters of Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz, either the books or the movies. Warning: Out-Of-Character-ness ahead! AU, Crossover._

_Summary: Harry is sent an anonymous Christmas present; it's time to meet the real Golden Trio… perhaps the adults should run for cover?_

**Harry Potter and the Wizard of Oz**

**By Arishaa**

::-/\-::

Chapter Six:

Night On Bold Mountain

::-/\-::

In the far West of Oz, sitting precariously atop a jutting mountain peak, loomed an ominous castle. Guards patrolled the only safe access to the witch's domain – a drawbridge across a deep moat that used to hold murky waters and a carnivorous water creature with a nasty temper. Unfortunately for the monster, the witch's was nastier, and after consuming her favourite hat after it had been blown off her head upon take-off, the witch banished the creature and dried up the moat. It was still effective in the witch's opinion – impassable by any means but the draw-bridge, unless you happened to have a magic flying broom. Of course, that theory had never been tested because, really, no sane person would come to visit the witch willingly, and unwilling visitors didn't last long.

The witch had just returned from putting the fear of the West into those Ozian simpletons, and was now pacing the floor of her Power Room. Everything she needed to practice her Art was kept here; away from prying eyes and wandering hands. The only thing on her mind, however, was the famous Power Foci her sister had created. _Their magic should have transferred to me,_ she thought furiously, but her sister had always been jealous of her power and more feared reputation. It was just like her to have a spell on those shoes to prevent her sister from getting them in the event of her death. But they _would_ be hers. The Minerva Witch wasn't that powerful. Once the woman was under her control she couldn't hold up for long.

She strode over to her viewing globe, focusing her will and watching the helpless travelers within. She didn't know why they were now headed in her direction, though she could guess it had something to do with that ridiculous wizard. Perhaps with the shoes, she would finally have to power to defeat him and those annoyingly _good_ witches he consorted with… in any case, the Minerva Witch was coming her way. She gave a macabre grin. "Let's make it easier for her, shall we?" she cackled, calling the head of her flying army to give it instructions. Having issued her orders, she sat back to watch them carried out.

Had she focused her attention a little closer to home, she would have noticed three steadfast travelers, coming closer and closer to the bottom of the cliffs her fortress was perched upon, and showing no signs of stopping or slowing down…

* * *

Harry, Ron and Hermione weren't far from the witches' castle – which had so many DANGER: TURN BACK signs, getting progressively gruesome (_Wicked Witches Castle: 1 Mile – I'd turn back if I were you!;_ _Wicked Witch in Residence, Enter at Own Risk; Go No Further – Soon it will be Too Late [1];_ _Caution! Wicked Witch Ahead – known to turn Bunnies and People into Toads _and_ Certain Destruction Lies Ahead – her initials are WW_. The last one they encountered was especially horrific, so much so that there are no words to describe it) that they were guided right to her front... drawbridge.

The same way the sun seemed to perpetually shine over the rest of Oz, as they approached the wicked witches' domain the sky steadily darkened; storm clouds giving the land a permanent grey sky. Suddenly Ron stopped, ears pricking up.

"What is it Ron?" Harry asked his feline friend.

"I hear something… it's… I think we need to hide," Ron answered quickly.

They barely made cover when the witch's flock of flying monkeys shot by over head, travelling straight towards the Emerald City.

"Do you think they're after McGonagall?" Ron asked.

"It's a good bet," Hermione answered him.

"We'd better hurry," Harry urged.

They continued on.

* * *

The adults had left the city in various states of mixed fury and fear. They set a brisk pace towards the witch's fortress and had travelled the morning through without stopping when their journey came to a sudden halt.

Sirius heard it first; the strange sound teasing his canine hearing. He pointed his nose to the sky, trying to use the dim sight of his animal shape to find the source of the sound.

"What's the matter, Padfoot?" Moony asked when he noticed the dog animagus had stopped.

"Don't you hear that?" Sirius asked in turn.

Remus paused, focusing his sharper-than-normal senses on his environment. "Yes. What is it?" He asked, also looking toward the sky. By this time, they had all paused and were looking skywards in apprehension.

It was Severus, with his years of observing the world around him, who saw the danger first. "There!" he pointed, and they realized with dawning horror that _something_ was flying toward them, straight from the witch's castle, and it probably wasn't friendly. Scratch that, it was a whole flock of _somethings_, and they all seemed to realize at the same time that _now_ would be a very good time to take cover. They scattered, diving for protection, but it wasn't fast enough. The cloud of flying doom had come too close, overtaken them too fast, and the next thing any of them knew they were surrounded.

Minerva screamed as the winged creatures took a hold of her and lifted her off the ground, immediately flying back with her the way they had come. Severus had taken hold of Albus and pushed him under the thick branches of a low-growing tree, standing in front of the old wizard to protect him, and was unable to do a thing for his older female colleague. He watched in helpless fury as she was carried away. Remus immediately tried fighting his way toward where he'd heard Minerva scream, and was doing quite well, his werewolf strength wielding a solid branch with deadly accuracy; but he was soon taken a hold of, flown high into the air and then dropped. He didn't move again. Padfoot was easily the most maneuverable, and was darting in and out of the bushes; biting, retreating, coming around for another attack from another angle with ease of long practice. He was too far away to help Minerva when she screamed, and his heart stopped when he saw Moony hit the ground. He headed immediately for his friend – but was again distracted by another cry.

Severus was quickly covered in bites, scratches, bruises and cuts; but he refused to give up his position of protection over Albus. His heart had cried out when Minerva had screamed, and he'd felt a surge of rage when Remus hit the ground, fear clutching at the edges of his mind. It distracted him enough that he didn't see the rather large primate fist on course for his head, and the next thing he knew, he was down on the ground. He looked up into the feral face of what he was sure was his death, as the primate again swung his meaty fist towards him.

Albus had watched in sick fear and pain as his friends fell before his eyes; but when Severus took the blow to the head, he shouted in denial. He watched, helpless from his position, far too deeply in the cover of branches to help, as the monkey-like creature raised his fist in preparation for a death blow.

Severus refused to close his eyes. He had flirted with death too often to turn from it now. Time almost seemed to slow down, his body felt heavy and useless, and he was dimly aware he'd suffered head trauma. Just as the fist came down upon him, though, a blur of black fur and teeth and claws and determined eyes came flying past him with a terrifying growl.

Canines bared in threat, Padfoot launched himself at the creature standing over Severus without a second thought, rage burning in his mind. His godson was missing. His godson's friends were missing. They were his pups and they were gone. Minerva, the only real maternal influence in his life, had been taken. His best friend, his brother, his family, had been grievously injured. Albus, the one who always knew the answers, the one he always turned too, was in danger. And Severus Snape, the man he loved to hate, was _not_ going to be next on the list. Instinctually protecting his pack, his family – and he would gape at himself later for including _Snivellous_ in that group – Padfoot struck, and struck true. His teeth found and closed around the throat of the creature with deadly accuracy, and the danger was gone.

Severus stared in incredulity at the animal in front of him. Sirius Black had just saved his life. There was only one thought that could penetrate the shock that had frozen his mind.

_Gryffindoors... figures_.

Sirius didn't have time to feel victorious over the fact he'd killed one of the menacing creatures. He was quickly surrounded, and no matter how he snarled, snapped, growled, wriggled or squirmed, he could not get free. Rough hands lifted him into the sky, and he waited for the drop… that didn't come. They were flying him away! He yelped, calling for help, but there was nothing those left behind could do. It looked like he was going to find Minerva…

* * *

It didn't take the monkeys long to return – carrying a shrieking Minerva and growling Sirius with them. The three transformed students exchanged glances and hurried towards the bottom of the cliff face.

The climb towards the witch's fortress was steep and hazardous and Harry especially had a hard time with his now inflexible body; but they made it. Hiding in the rocks and peering over an outcropping, the three discussed how they could get in.

"Do you think the original idea will get us in there?" Ron wondered aloud.

"I'm not sure. Let's hope so. Keep an eye out, yeah?" Harry cautioned.

The other two agreed and the three split up. It didn't take long to find three victims and subdue them. They then took the uniform coats and hats from the witch's guards they'd knocked out and dressed in them, though getting the clothes to look right on Ron's newly feline body had been a challenge. Now all they had to do was wait for the changing of the guard. It didn't take long.

* * *

Sirius and Minerva had been carried by the aerial primates quite a fair way. Soon a sinister fortress had appeared on the horizon, and both knew then that they'd been captured by the Wicked Witch of the West. Their captors deposited them in a room and then flew away again. The room itself was round and made of stone, obviously in one of the towers they'd seen. Bits of odds and ends were scattered through the room; potions and powders and other magical means of bewitchment; and near the window, sitting next to a padded stone throne, was an enormous viewing globe. The door was solid wood and, of course, locked.

"Look around, Sirius, there must be something here with which we may defend ourselves," Minerva instructed.

A quick but thorough search of the room turned up only a pair of fire-tongs from the banked fire-pit in the middle of the room. Minerva's attention was attracted to the viewing globe.

"I bet she uses this to spy on the whole Land of Oz," Sirius muttered when he saw what she was looking at.

"More that that, Sirius; such instruments can be spelled by a skilled practitioner to send spells over a great distance," Minerva explained.

"Like that sleeping spell in the flowers," Sirius realized.

"Yes, exactly like that – " Minerva was cut off by the heavy door to the tower opening. Through the opening came the Wicked Witch of the West herself.

* * *

Left with only Severus and Remus, both of who were injured – Severus barely conscious, Remus still not moving – Albus did the only thing he could. Making one of the hardest decisions he'd ever recall making, the old man took his injured and returned to the Emerald City for help. Luckily they were only a couple of hours walk from the City itself, and as they left behind the Haunted Forest, they encountered the People of Oz working in the outlying fields. He didn't know how much further he and Severus could have dragged Remus; the Potions Master falling unconscious himself not long after they'd been helped into a horse-drawn cart and had set off.

Minerva and Sirius were on their own against, Albus shrewdly guessed, the Wicked Witch of the West… except for a rescue party consisting of three transformed children, not yet finished their schooling and without magic to aid them. Albus could only hope they lived up to their previous successful record against overwhelming, impossible odds.

* * *

The trio waited until the guard finished their perimeter sweep, meeting back up outside the castle and marching back inside. The disguised interlopers tagged onto the end as the drawbridge closed behind them… locking them inside the castle of the Wicked Witch of the West.

* * *

As she entered the room with the Commander of the Winged Monkeys at her side, the witch gave a very ugly grin. "Well, well – it seems as though I have visitors," she said smugly.

Sirius snorted, "as if you didn't know," he muttered.

Minerva nudged him with her foot. "Quiet," she hissed, then turned herself to address the other woman. "Explain yourself, madam – what is the meaning of this outrage?" she demanded.

The witch was taken aback. Didn't these two _know_ they were prisoners? That she was the most feared, evil, ugly thing in the Land of Oz that everyone took care to avoid? She frowned severely to cover her unease. "You know very well what I want, my fine lady," the Witch drawled sarcastically, and Minerva knew she would be strongly tempted to ask Severus to look up his family tree for a Wicked Witch of the West the next time she saw him, because at that moment the villain she faced sounded very much like her younger colleague. Blinking away her distracting thoughts, Minerva frowned thoughtfully at the green woman.

"The Good Witch of the North was most adamant that you should not get your hands on them," she said somewhat neutrally, as though inviting the Witch for an explanation – one she did not seem inclined to give.

The Witch snarled. "Very well!" She made a sharp motion towards Padfoot, commanding the Winged Monkey by her side. "Take that flee-bitten mongrel to the river and drown him," she sneered.

"Wait!" Minerva said in panic – Sirius would be unable to defend himself against more than two or three of these things, especially with water involved, and he was unable to transform. She took a deep breath, and even though she loathed to do it – "Alright. Take them!"

The Witch's expression melted into satisfied greed, and she said patronizingly, "that's a good little girl – I knew you'd see reason!"

Minerva scowled – little girl indeed – but was distracted by the Witch's screech of pain – she had tried to touch the Ruby Slippers on Minerva's feet, and been zapped by their protective magic.

"Well honestly, what did you expect? These are powerful magical objects, of course they'll protect themselves!" Minerva said in exasperation. She sighed. "I'm sure we can come to some suitable compromise here – " she was cut off by the Witch, who it seemed, had come to the end of whatever store of patience she possessed.

"No! Fool that I am – I should have remembered! Those slippers will never come off," her furious expression melted into one of contemplation, and she smiled cruelly. It made sense; the magic that held the slippers to the Minerva Witch could only be active as long as she had life in her body. "…as long as you're alive," she drawled. Minerva swallowed heavily. "But that's not what's worrying me," she hurried to reassure her horrified prisoners, "it's _how_ to do it; these things must be done delicately, or you hurt the spell," as she spoke, her eyes roved over Minerva's face, contemplating how powerful she might be, what magicks she might know, how to be sure… and her eyes lit up in insane satisfaction.

Minerva straightened her back, looked down her nose in distain, and said superiorly and with as much confidence as she could muster, "you won't ever get these shoes." She had faith in her companions – they would not let her and Sirius down.

The witch snarled in rage, grabbing up an already prepared spell in the form of an hourglass. The blood-soaked sand within would react with the runes carved around the entrances to the room to kill all who were sealed within it. "You see that? That's how much longer you've got to be alive! And it isn't long, my pretty – it isn't long! I can't wait forever to get those shoes!" she cackled as she turned the hourglass over, activating the death magic, and left it behind to work as she left the room, locking the door behind her.

* * *

Harry, Ron and Hermione followed the column of guards until they disappeared around a corner in the entry-way of the Witch's castle, then they ducked into cover to wait for the sounds of their marching feet to completely fade away.

After a few minutes, Ron nodded decisively, indicating they were alone. "Come on," he urged his two companions, and the trio rushed back toward the door of the castle and then up a set of stone stairs that were immediately left of them. Ron and Harry reached the door first.

"Wait! Better check first," Hermione warned. She knocked on the door, calling through the thick surface – "Padfoot? Professor? Are you in there?"

"Hermione! Is that you? Yes, we're both here – how did you know we were both here? Never mind, get us out!" Padfoot's answer was as quick as it was confused with questions of his own.

"Let me at the door," Harry instructed as he hefted his ax. "Hermione, help Ron off with that uniform and get rid of your own," he added as his friends moved away to give him room to swing, Hermione noticing that he'd already dispensed with his own ill-gotten garments.

By the time she'd wrestled the uniforms of both her own transformed body as well as Ron's, Harry had chopped around the lock and Padfoot and Professor McGonagall where tumbling out of the room. Before they could become distracted, Hermione urged them out, and they turned away and ran down the stairs towards the door, which stood open with the drawbridge down, their escape avenue free and clear.

As they came closer, however, the heavy wooden doors swung closed, cutting them off from their freedom. From the balcony overlooking the entry hall, the Witch's voice, full of smug satisfaction, grated over them.

"Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it," she smiled cruelly. "Why my little party's just beginning!"

"Great. We're trapped. Trapped like mice," Ron muttered under his breath, though he was loud enough for his compatriots to hear him.

"Rats," Harry and Hermione corrected him together.

"Whatever," he mumbled back.

Their banter was interrupted by the arrival of the Witch's green-skinned guard, as they flooded the entry-way leveling spears at them and growling.

Hermione swallowed. "Experiencing the movie from this angle is a lot scarier than I ever anticipated," she whispered to her two friends.

Whatever the boys might have replied was interrupted by the witch, who encouraged her feral protectors. "That's right, don't hurt them right away, we'll let them think about it first," she ended her taunting with a good deal of cackling.

Harry's mouth tightened and his eyes narrowed. "Get ready. Hermione, help me swing the ax, Ron grab the professor – we just have to trust in the script right now."

Just as he finished his whispered instructions, the witch gave a loud shriek, cuing Hermione to grasp the ax handle just above Harry's own grip and Ron to take the Professor's arm. As the witch threw the hourglass onto the stone floor between the prisoners and her army, Harry and Hermione moved – chopping a rope that just happened to be anchored right next to where they were trapped, which held aloft a giant chandelier. Classically, the lighting device dropping onto their enemies causing fear and chaos and in all the confusion – the five scarpered.

The Witch came running down the stairs from the balcony, screaming at the top of her lungs, "seize them! Seize them! Stop them you fools, stop them! Seize them! Seize them!" The entirety of the guard obeyed.

The rescue party along with their two rescue-ees managed to double back on their pursuers, rushed through the entry-hall and then back up the stairs. Not far behind, the Witch and her posse followed. They came out onto one of the defensive walls of the castle, rushing to beat the witch to the other entrance so they could disappear back inside the voluminous building. The witch had been clever though – she had sent half her guard to cut them off. The prisoners had no choice but to retreat, becoming trapped in one of the guard turrets – half the soldiers at their front, the rest at their back. There was no-where to go.

As they realized this, the guards in front of them parted, letting the Wicked Witch of the West through their midst.

"Well… ring around the roses, a pocket full of spears – thought you'd be pretty foxy didn't you?" she snarled at the troublesome group in front of her. She had to get rid of them or all of Oz would be laughing at her! It was unacceptable! She glared at the Minerva Witch – in her mind the one responsible for all her troubles. "Well! The last to go will see the first three go before her…" her eyes dropped to Padfoot, who was growling and baring his teeth "…and her mangy little dog too!" If it hadn't been for all the spears pointed at him, this comment might have caused her much trouble, but as it was, Sirius could do nothing.

The Witch then smiled sadistically, raising her broom to a lit torch illuminating the guard room. The fire eagerly spread onto the head, consuming the branches the crude broom consisted of. "How about a little fire, scarecrow?" the Witch asked, causing no-end of horror for Minerva and Sirius, then ever-so-slowly lowering it towards the straw girl... before it got anywhere near Hermione, however, Harry saw his chance. He picked up the bucket of water oh-so-helpfully sitting on the windowsill behind them and flung it right in the Witch's ugly green face.

The Witch's aborted cry of "don't throw that water!" did nothing to help her; as she felt the liquid hit her face, she screamed. Immediately smoke started seeping off her.

"You cursed brat! Look what you've done!" They were all looking – in stunned repulsion were they looking. "I'm melting – melting… oh, what a world, what a world!" the Witch moaned as she disappeared in front of their eyes. "Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful Wickedness?" As she slowly but surely became nothing, she screamed again, then whimpered "Look out! Look out! I'm going… oh! Ohhhhhh!"

Everyone who had watched was speechless. The Captain of the Flying Monkeys cautiously examined what remained – her cape, hat and broom – then hissed at the room and clapped. Finally the head of the guard spoke. "She – She's dead… you killed her!"

It occurred to Minerva and Sirius then that they could be in a lot of trouble right at that moment. Minerva spoke quickly. "We didn't mean to kill her. Truly, it's just that we couldn't let her hurt our friend," she explained, hoping it would be enough. Both she and Padfoot were completely astonished at what happened next.

Instead of attacking, the Head Guard knelt in front of them. "Hail to Minerva! The Wicked Witch is dead!" he proclaimed. In response, the Winged Monkeys and the rest of the Guard all knelt as well.

"Hail! Hail to Minerva! The Wicked Witch is dead!" they all repeated.

Hermione nudged Minerva to get her attention. "The broom," she whispered.

"The broom? Oh!" Minerva realized. "Her broom – may we please have it?" she asked the guard.

He immediately picked up the sorry-looking object and handed it to her. "Please! And take it with you," he responded.

Minerva smiled in relief. "Thank you so much!" The guards stood around them as she addressed those with her. "Now we can go back to the Wizard, and give him the broom!"

Ron grinned, and then said loudly, "and we can tell him the Wicked Witch is dead!"

"The Wicked Witch is dead!" All the Witch's former slaves yelled again – in relief, and happiness, and victory, and freedom long denied.

* * *

_A/N: An arranged version of "Night on Bald Mountain" is played during the scene where the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion rescue Dorothy from the Wicked Witch of the West's castle._

1) The crazy sign idea is from the movie '_The Labyrinth_', and this one is a direct quote. If you haven't seen it before I recommend it – for the funny bits if for nothing else!

2) Most of the Witch's dialogue in this chapter is directly quoted from the movie '_The Wizard of Oz_' which does not belong to me, and is quite brilliant.

_Thanks especially to all who stuck with this story and to all those who reviewed over the last few months – every time someone did, I went back to this chapter and plugged through it some more. Because this bit followed the Wizard of Oz movie more closely, it was sometimes difficult to fit my characters around. Hopefully though, it worked, and I hope you all enjoy!_


	7. The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz

_Disclaimer__: I do not own the concept and characters of Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz, either the books or the movies. __Warning__: Out-Of-Character-ness ahead! AU, Crossover._

_Summary__: Harry is sent an anonymous Christmas present; it's time to meet the real Golden Trio… perhaps the adults should run for cover?_

**Harry Potter and the Wizard of Oz**

**By Arishaa**

::-/\-::

Chapter Seven:

The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz

::-/\-::

It hadn't taken long for them to organize themselves, and with help from the Flying Monkeys – now free from the Witch's magical control – all five found themselves delivered to the outskirts of the Emerald City, and only a few minutes' walk from the main gate.

"Come on," Ron urged, "let's get this over with. I want to get out of this fur coat!"

Harry grunted in agreement. "Amen to that," he muttered.

"Exactly how do you think we'll manage that?" McGonagall asked her students, again reminded of how much more they seemed to know of the situation.

"Everything that's happened to us hasn't been a coincidence; we're in a story, Professor. We don't know how we got here or even how this place exists," Hermione tried to explain, "but it's our theory that once we play out the story-line, we'll be returned," then muttered bitterly under her breath, "and de-transformed, for those of us unluckily enough not to be human anymore."

"That's why you left without us," Sirius realized. "You knew we needed the broomstick to finish the story, or whatever it is we're stuck in, and we weren't listening to you." The animagus felt more than a little ashamed he'd simply dismissed the children's input, especially considering that they'd really been the ones looking after their adult companions more than the other way around.

But McGonagall wasn't so abashed. "You still should not have wondered off on your own!" she insisted.

"Remind me again, who in this group was kidnapped by the Witch and who were the ones to rescue them?" Hermione commented tartly.

"Pretty sure it was the incompetent, helpless, stupid, and reckless children doing the rescuing," Ron returned before either adult could comment.

"That's how I remember it too," Harry nodded at his friends, pulling the witch's broom out of the hands of their dumbfounded professor before firmly knocking on the gate of the Emerald City, which they had now reached.

The gatekeeper peeked out of his window and let them in as soon as he saw them. "Welcome back to the Emerald City!" he exclaimed enthusiastically as the grand doors of the City opened before them for the second time.

McGonagall and Sirius were quickly left behind as the trio strode through the Emerald City, both of them stunned silent.

* * *

Albus was sitting between two beds, each containing a young man he cared for and respected. Neither was very well, and though the Emerald City was a most hospitable place with friendly people, their medical practices were of little use in this situation.

Remus had woken once, disoriented and confused. It was rather fortunate that his body was built to withstand the werewolf transformation, or he may have taken far more damage than he did; as it was, he had received a rather hefty bump on his head, which left him with a killer migraine when he did awaken after his impromptu flight and crash landing. Albus managed to sooth him back to sleep again before he remembered where they were and what was happening around them.

Severus, however, was still unconscious, and hadn't moved.

Albus worried.

* * *

It didn't take Sirius long to shake off his feelings of shock and guilt, and he quickly put his nose to the ground and followed it to where it was pointing Harry and his two friends had gone. He and the Professor managed to catch up to them just as they were talking their way back through the magnificent doors that guarded the Wizard of Oz from the rest of the city.

Once the guard had left them, the children examined the other two members of their party. McGonagall didn't look very well; she was getting on in years after all and they hadn't had much of a chance to rest well over the last few days.

"You should check on the others, Professor," Hermione dismissed the elder woman gently. "We can only hope they had the good sense to make their way back here," she finished muttering under her breath.

Though the professor still looked rather green from the long flight, she shook her head silently. "Let's get this silly misadventure over with, please," the stern woman said quietly, drawing on the fortitude that had seen her through two long, harsh, horrible wars. She looked softly down at her three students, silently vowing to do better by them in the future. "Lead the way," she finished firmly.

"Alright… let us do the talking inside, ok?" Harry instructed.

Both Sirius and Minerva nodded their agreement, and they set off down the long corridor towards the Inner Sanctum of the Wizard of Oz.

Before they entered, Harry bent down to speak to Sirius. "Padfoot, when we get inside I want you to ignore what the wizard says. There'll be a curtain off to the left of the room – I want you to go and investigate it," he instructed.

His godfather cocked his canine head in curiosity, but didn't question; reminded again that his pups had seen them through this adventure safely, and that they all seemed to know exactly what it was they were doing.

"Alright Harry," he agreed, wondering exactly what interesting thing might lay behind his Godson's request.

They didn't have any further chances of talking, however, as the massive doors guarding the Wizards' private audience chamber opened before them.

Again, out of fire and smoke, Oz appeared as a large head hovering above his magnificent throne. Ron idly wondered why he had a seat if he didn't have a body. Seemed a waste to him. _Oh look_, he thought, _he's – what's the expression? – oh yes, blowing smoke_. He clamped down on the urge to giggle, putting his thoughts to one side to share with his friends later. Right now they were busy.

"Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?" Oz addressed them imperiously.

Harry gestured to Hermione to speak. She stepped forward, taking the broom from him and setting it on the dais. "We've done what you asked us. We've brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her," Hermione informed the Wizard.

Though the expression on the face of the giant head didn't change, his words showed how impressed he was with them. "You liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful."

"Thank you. We'd like you to keep your promises to us, if you please," Hermione answered.

Fire flamed about the head in front of them, as Oz spoke angrily, "Not so fast, not so fast!" The fire calmed, as he went on, "I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow."

Harry noticed that Sirius had been caught up watching the show, so he nudged him with his foot as Hermione and Oz continued their dialogue. The animagus looked up at Harry and then remembered his mission. He slunk off towards the curtain.

Meanwhile, Hermione had answered the Wizard with a strong objection. "Tomorrow? We've waited long enough!"

"Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz!" the giant head continued to procrastinate. "I said come back tomorrow!"

Ron snorted in derision. "Great and powerful people keep their word," he pointed out.

Fire rose and thunder crashed as Oz expressed his anger at their impertinence, causing McGonagall great alarm. "Do you presume to criticize the great Oz? You ungrateful creatures! Think yourselves lucky that I'm giving you audience tomorrow, instead of twenty years from now!" the Wizard bragged.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sirius had (most inconspicuously, he thought) used the distraction the children were providing Oz to sneak across the floor to a green curtain that was off to the side of the room. _It's funny_, he thought, _but I don't remember that being in here last time…_ he shrugged off the thought, realizing he'd been successful in reaching the curtain without Oz noticing him. The giant head was fully focused on its audience, and the insignificant mutt was beneath his notice. _Ha! Score one for canine-kind_, the animagus thought victoriously. _Now to investigate… how _do_ you investigate a curtain?_ The giant Grimm, who in all actuality was not as inconspicuous as he'd convinced himself to believe, cocked his head to the side as he considered this dilemma. Well, I guess you see what's behind it. _Annnnd… behind curtain number one_, he thought in his best show-host voice [1], and then promptly stuck his snout underneath the curtain.

* * *

Harry, Ron and Hermione were quickly running out of dialogue. Thankfully, at that point, Sirius came through, sticking his nose under the curtain and discovering the man underneath. The loud growl he let out startled the little man, and they vaguely heard him exclaim from across the room.

Oz spoke again. "The great Oz has spoken!"

By now Sirius had caught on to the fact that the man was who Harry had needed him to find and expose, and he quickly finished his mission – taking the curtain in his powerful jaws and pulling, almost causing the whole set-up to collapse, and certainly uncovering the man in his hiding place.

The charlatan tried one last-ditch effort to keep up his ruse. Oz's strong, powerful voice sounded out once more. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" he ordered. "The great Oz… has spoken!"

McGonagall marched over to the man talking into the strange round device [2]. "Who are you?" she demanded of him.

The funny man turned and spoke directly into the device, "I am the great and powerful…" he turned back to face them, and the voice that came from him now was certainly anything but great and powerful. "…Wizard of Oz," he finished, realizing his deception was over. The giant head faded away, and the fire and smoke disappeared.

"I don't believe this," Sirius muttered. "Are you for real?"

"I'm afraid it's true," he answered. "There's no other Wizard except me."

McGonagall was stunned and disappointed. "You... how could you?" she spat at him [3].

"You're a very bad man," Hermione accused.

"No, my dear," Oz denied, "I'm a very good man. I'm just a very bad wizard."

"What about your promises?" Ron demanded. _It couldn't hurt to get things rolling along here_, he thought.

The man brightened. "Ah! Of course! A heart, and courage, and a brain!"

Sirius and McGonagall were absolutely bewildered, and the trio sighed in agitation; but Oz was suddenly in his element. He reached out a solicitous hand to Hermione, and guided her to where he kept a black bag.

"Of course, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain," he blustered. "Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts, and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got: a diploma." The man reached into his black bag and took out a decretive scroll. "Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the _Universitatus Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum_ I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.," he announced, and handed her the diploma.

Hermione's eyebrows shot up toward her hairline as she accepted the little white scroll tied with a red ribbon. "Th.D?" she questioned.

"That's Doctor of Thinkology," Oz replied.

Quickly rolling her eyes, Hermione quickly rolled off the expected speech that the boys would have no hope learning. "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side," then she added "Joy! Rapture! I've got a brain!" in a voice drier than the Sahara desert. She smiled a wry smile. "How can I ever thank you enough?"

Oz beamed. "Well, you can't." He then turned to address Ron. "As for you my fine friend, you're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come from, we have men who are called 'heroes'. Once a year they take their fortitude out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have. But, they have one thing that you haven't got: a medal." He reached into the bag again and pulled out a large, ornate medal. Standing tall before Ron, he proudly decreed: "Therefore, for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches, I award you the Triple Cross," he attached the medal to Ron's fur on his chest. "You are now a member of the Legion of Courage," Oz announced grandly, placing his hands on Ron's feline shoulders and kissing both whiskered cheeks.

There was a beat of silence. "Shucks folks, I'm speechless," Ron said, scrubbing in disgust at his face.

Oz turned to face Harry last. "As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical, until they can be made unbreakable." The melancholy on the man's face spoke of bitter experience. He looked around at the expectant faces around him, shook off his sad thoughts and smiled. "But you still want one," he concluded. "Back where I come from, there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phil – er, phila – good-deed-doers; and their hearts are no bigger than yours. But, they have one thing you haven't got: a testimonial," for the last time Oz reached into the black bag, pulling out a red heart with a white flower chain attached. "Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection," the Wizard handed the heart to Harry, then leaned toward him and spoke in a gentle voice, "…and remember, my sentimental friend: that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."

Though he'd seen the movie before, Harry was struck by this advice in that moment, and decided to take it to heart. He nodded solemnly to the Wizard in thanks, then held the testimonial up to his ear to hear the expected ticking. He couldn't help but smile.

Sirius and Minerva had watched the entire performance in barely restrained astonishment. Only the fact that the children had explained that they believed themselves to be characters in a story kept them quiet and stopped them from interrupting. Seeing that the Wizard seemed to be finished now, however, Sirius asked quietly, "but how do we get home?"

Oz considered the problem for a moment. "Well… you force me into a cataclysmic decision. The only way to get you and your friends back to the outside world is for me to take them all there myself."

McGonagall gasped in surprise – this man didn't seem to have any magic at all, could he really do it? She decided to ask. "Do you really think you'll be able to manage that?"

"My Lady, you cut me to the quick! I'm an old Kansas man myself, born and bred in the heart of the western wilderness," Oz focused on McGonagall as Sirius muttered to Harry "Kansas?"

Harry quickly cleared up his confusion with an equally muttered answer: "America."

"Oh," Sirius grunted.

"…premier balloonist par excellence to the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company," Oz continued to grandly spin his tale, unaware of the byplay. "Until one day, while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill, never before attempted by civilized man, an unfortunate phenomena occurred; the balloon failed to return to the fair."

"It did?" Ron asked, as both he and McGonagall had been caught up in the fantastical story.

"Weren't you frightened?" the Professor questioned.

"Frightened?" Oz scoffed, "You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe," the engaging man blustered. "I was petrified. Then suddenly the wind changed and the balloon floated down into the heart of this noble city, where I was instantly acclaimed Oz, the first wizard deluxe! Times being what they were I accepted the job, retaining my balloon against the advent of a quick getaway. And in that balloon my dear Minerva, I will return you and your friends to the land of _E Pluribus Unum_!"

* * *

Of course, it didn't happen as quickly as a scene change in a movie. The five travelers returned to their room where they found Albus who was extremely relieved to see them, Remus who was pacing the room in worry and Severus who was finally awake and sitting up, but still a little out of it and unable, thankfully, to make any of his usual sarcastic comments.

It made it all the easier for the trio to bundle up their adult counterparts – though working around Remus' constant hovering proved to be a challenge – and get them out to the platform the Wizard had set up for his grand exit.

The court-yard was a green sea of people, all chatting happily, looking forward to seeing their Wizard for the first time in many years.

The misplaced group of travelers made their way to the platform to wait for Oz, who arrived with much fanfare to the sounds of a cheerful band and the ecstatic cheering from the people for their mysterious leader.

Oz stepped forward to address the crowd. "My friends!" he was met with an even louder cheer. "This is positively the finest exhibition ever to be shown…" Harry nudged him, and the Wizard faltered and remembered where he was and what he was about. "…er, be that as it may. I your wizard _per ardua ad alta_, am about to embark upon a hazardous and technically unexplainable journey into the outer stratosphere!"

The crowd gave another mighty cheer and the band reprised its fanfare. Over the noise, the Wizard continued his speech: "To confer, converse and otherwise hobnob with my brother wizards. And I hereby decree that until what time – if any – that I return, the Scarecrow by virtue of her highly superior brain shall rule in my stead; assisted by the Tin Man by virtue of his magnificent heart and the Lion, by virtue of his courage. Obey them, as you would me. Thank you."

The citizens of the Emerald City cheered again, not understanding one word their wonderful Wizard was talking about. Over the noise, Harry, Ron and Hermione exchanged an exasperated look.

"Well, look at it this way, Hermione," Ron commented. "At least someone actually called you a girl."

"For once," she muttered.

The Wizard had pulled himself into the balloon basket, which was quite large and would actually fit everyone inside. Before anyone else could also embark, however, what Sirius would later come to call 'the demon cat from hell' appeared out of nowhere, and chaos ensued. It hissed at Padfoot who growled back in warning, and then backed away with a yelp when the creature scored him across his snout with its claws. The animagus backed into one of the guards holding the balloons anchoring rope and all the others tried to catch the crazed animal, who had honed in on poor Sirius as though he'd insulted its ancestors. In the resulting confusion, no-one noticed the balloon carrying the Wizard leave the ground, and begin to float away. It took a particularly loud growl from Ron to scare the demented creature off, and by then it was too late.

"Hey wait!" Remus called up at the Wizard when he noticed how far away he was getting.

"I can't come back, I don't know how it works! Goodbye, folks!" and with that, the Wizard of Oz floated away. However, as everyone watched the balloon disappear into the Ozian sky, something else caught Remus' eye. "Look!" he pointed.

It was a perfectly round bubble, mostly pink but sometimes changing into other pearly hues like baby blue and purple. Out of her most unusual transportation method, The Good Witch of the North, Glinda appeared. She walked through the awed crowd toward them.

Albus turned to her as Glinda approached. "Good morrow to you, Lady. Can you be of any assistance to me and my compatriots?" he asked hopefully.

The gentle Lady smiled. "You don't need to be helped any longer." Then she turned and addressed Minerva. "You've always had the power to go back to your home."

"What? _I_ have? How?" Minerva stumbled over the questions.

Hermione was the one who answered. "Think about it, Professor. We don't have access to _our_ magic. But there _is_ magic here."

Ron continued. "You were gifted with powerful magical artifacts almost the moment you arrived," he pointed out.

The adults of their group gaped at them and then as one, turned to look at McGonagall's ruby-clad feet.

"Of course…" Albus breathed. "I should have realized!"

"The ruby slippers? We could have left as soon as we got them?" Minerva closed her eyes in exasperation and decided that when she got home, she was going to bed for a _week_. She wouldn't be coming out for anything!

"And why didn't you mention something before now, you exasperating brats?" Severus hissed.

"Professor, we've been giving you advice and knowledge of this place since we arrived. You haven't once listened. You wouldn't have believed us," Harry stated sadly.

Glinda smiled. "To learn such lessons yourself, is a great gift in any case," she stated.

"Lessons? What lessons?" Remus wondered.

"Oz is a magical place, with many different lessons to teach whoever visits here," Glinda answered, and something in the way she did made the children wonder about who exactly she was, and how they really had come to be here.

Minerva glanced down at her three Gryffindors. "Perhaps the best lesson we can take away from this experience, is to never judge a book by its cover," she smiled enigmatically at them, and if no-one else besides Sirius completely understood to what she was referring, she decided it didn't matter.

Glinda smiled in satisfaction. "One lesson is all you need. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds."

"All of us?" McGonagall asked urgently.

"All of you," Glinda assured her.

"Right now?" Minerva was passed ready to leave.

"Whenever you wish," the pink-clad witch nodded.

Minerva glanced around at her companions, and saw all of them agreed with her.

"We're ready now, Lady," Albus smiled in thanks to her, and Minerva nodded her consent.

Glinda organized them to stand around Minerva in a circle, and then instructed Minerva herself. "Close your eyes, and tap your heels together three times… now think to yourself: there's no place like home… there's no place like home… there's no place like home…"

The witch's voice seemed to echo around them, the court-yard disappearing in a wash of colour, and the ground beneath them seemed to vanish as they were sucked down into darkness.

* * *

Most dialogue in this is directly quoted from the movie 'The Wizard of Oz' which I do not own, and which is super-amazingly-awesome!

_1: As 'muggle-lovers' James and Sirius often used their summers to investigate the muggle world, especially after Lily and James started dating, and so Sirius knows about show-hosts. That's my excuse and I'm stickin' to it!_

_2: As a pureblood witch, McGonagall doesn't know about microphones and sound systems._

_3: Just thought I'd mention that she didn't spit on him, this is a descriptive of how she said the words._


	8. The Resolution Of Conflict

_Disclaimer__: I do not own the concept and characters of Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz, either the books or the movies. __Warning__: Out-Of-Character-ness ahead! AU, Crossover._

_Summary__: Harry is sent an anonymous Christmas present; it's time to meet the real Golden Trio… perhaps the adults should run for cover?_

**Harry Potter and the Wizard of Oz**

**By Arishaa**

::-/\-::

Chapter Eight:

The Resolution of Conflict

::-/\-::

When the trio awoke, thankfully not at the bottom of a pile of eight bodies, they found themselves sprawled on the stone floor of a very familiar kitchen. Harry, Ron and Hermione were even more grateful to find themselves de-transformed; no longer straw, tin and animal; but rather wonderfully, thankfully, _magnificently_, human. Their wands were again present, firmly held in dexterous fingers; everything was back to normal – including the stir their arrival had created. They didn't have long to savor the familiarity of their environment, as the world around them exploded in sound.

"Albus! Were have you _been_? I've been worried sick – oh! Ronald, you're ok! You're all here!" And Molly Weasley threw herself on her youngest son and his friends, taking hold of them in arms like steel bands, far stronger than she had any right to be, really. As she held them, she sobbed into Ron's chest, her broken questions tumbling over each other in her hurry.

"Oh! I was so worried! Were did you go? What happened? If I find out this was some sort of prank, you'll be in so much trouble!" Her voice was only one in the commotion that was being created around them, but she was the only one close enough that they could understand.

"Molly, calm yourself, please. I will explain all," Albus broke through the din that the Order of the Phoenix – scattered around the kitchen in what was obviously a frustrated tactical session – were making.

"I'm sure the children could use a good meal and an early night. See to that, would you Molly? We will convene to the drawing room to discuss matters," he ordered everyone calmly.

The trio looked at each other incredulously – were they really going to just pat them on the head and send them to bed? It seemed they were, as even Sirius – who was overjoyed to be no longer trapped on four paws himself – was obediently following the headmasters orders.

Molly turned to them with concern written all over her middle-aged maternal face. "Why don't you go upstairs, dears? I'm sure you'll want a good wash. I'll whip something up for you and bring it up, alright?"

And they were ejected from the kitchen.

"Did they just – " If Ron and Harry hadn't shared her ire, the look on Hermione's face would have had them in stitches.

"Yes, Hermione," Harry spat in irritation, "we have just been relegated to the play-pen." Once he'd finished he turned and stormed up the stairs. His friends followed, completely in agreement with his feelings of irritation.

As they headed towards the boys room to vent, they were side-tracked by someone – or rather, two some ones – gaining their attention.

"Pst! Hey guys! Over here!" It was Ron's twin brothers, Fred and George (or, as they fondly referred to themselves, Gred and Forge).

"What is it?" Hermione was too annoyed to be as tolerant of the twin's antics as she usually was.

"We thought you might like to listen in," Fred said in amusement.

"We've modified our extendable ears. Ain't no-where they can't go now!" George stated proudly.

The trio blinked at the sentence; pretty sure he'd contradicted himself somewhere, but decided it was unimportant in the face of the more pertinent information it contained.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Ron said, grinning at the thought of – once again – thwarting the whole _we-know-best-for-you_ attitude held by the adult members of the house.

* * *

The voices in the meeting were rather funny, like listening to someone talking through water (the twin's explained that this was the effect of listening through the magic of the impermatrible charm on the door), but they heard everything clearly.

"… it was obviously an attempt to divert our attention from more important matters," Mad-Eye Moody was saying. "The fact that this book you remember disappeared as soon as it was activated – probably a return to sender spell – I think we need to look out for such things in the future. And how did it manage to get through the spells on this house in the first place? No unknown owl is supposed to be able to penetrate the wards. And what if one of you had died? Obviously wouldn't be all fun and games then, would it? Probably would have happened, if Potter had gone in alone, or with just his little friends – "

Thankfully, someone decided to interrupt Moody's rather long and paranoid speech.

"Let's not dwell on what-might-have-beens, Alastor. We are all returned safe; now we must find a way to discover who was behind this plot…"

The rest of the meeting was dedicated to deciding a strategy, dividing up tasks, and attempting to keep a lid on Sirius and Severus – who's arguments weren't so acidic anymore, but still rather lively.

* * *

"Well, that wasn't as enlightening as normal. They know less than we do," Ron said in frustration.

"At least the book is gone, now. No-one else will be sucked into it," Hermione pointed out.

"Still, I don't like the fact that the book went missing," Harry said slowly. "Or that we don't know who was behind it. We know it didn't really do anything bad, just inconvenient, but I'd feel much better if we found out where it came from."

The twins, who'd been suspiciously quiet up until now – and come to think of it, looked distinctly nervous, for some reason – decided to chip into the conversation. "No big mystery there, mate," Fred said brightly, covering his nerves.

"What do you mean? You know where it came from?" Nobody could accuse Hermione of being less than brilliant.

"Well… we figured it would be more fun if you didn't know we created it," George confessed, embarrassed. "It's our latest invention, a prototype. We couldn't lose it!"

"So we pinched it from the kitchen after it was activated. It's a one-time charm at the moment, we're working on extending the life – "

"You mean the two of you were behind this all the time?" Hermione demanded, interrupting Fred's explanation.

As per their usual, the twins answered in stereo, bouncing from one to the other so fast it was impossible to tell who said what and who was who.

"We thought – "

" – you would enjoy it – "

" – a little harmless fun – "

" – to take your mind off – "

" – your recent troubles…"

" – We didn't mean – "

" – to make _too_ much trouble – "

" – honest!" They finished together.

The trio looked at each other in amusement. "Maybe we should keep this to ourselves for now," Harry said decisively.

"Huh?" the twins said in unison.

"I think the adults could use a minor mystery to, you know, enjoy…" he smiled at Ron, who grinned back and continued, "give them some harmless fun…" they both looked at Hermione, who looked vindictively amused and finished, "take their mind off their troubles... yes, I wholeheartedly agree!"

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

_A/N: And so, it ends! Hope you all liked! Ah, poor Order of the Phoenix. Don't really stand a chance, do they?_


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